My Story.

How do I mend her heart?

I was still thinking about what I was reading while we were on the snog break. I had been having dreams about her being tortured... was what she wrote about the solstice ritual what I had seen? Was Corinne a part of it? She certainly didn't like Kerry...

(Corinne didn't like anyone who could possibly as she put it -damage my career- maybe she was just taking what I said after the break up with Melissa as gospel. I only said that so my more extreme fans and Corinne would leave her alone. I didn't break up with Melissa because of the age gap.. we wanted different things. I wanted more children she wanted a career )

Anyway back to Kerry. She noticed that I wasn't concentrating.

"Where are you? Are you trying to think of a way to let me go without hurting me? Am I too much of a basket case?"

"No sweetheart. I was just thinking about what they did to you. I'm only on Christmas Eve too. I don't think it's going to get any better though is it? You told me about what happened at the party so I'm guessing it wasn't all jingle bells and  aud lang syne between Christmas Day and my party."

Her eyes teared up and she looked away as she said

"Read. I'm going to make us some dinner."

She climbed off my knee and slowly walked into the hallway.

I opened the diary again.

Sun 5th Jan 1992

First day he has gone out and forgotten to handcuff me to the radiator since I tried to do do a runner. His friend phoned and he rushed out.

Can't escape... all the windows are locked and he locks the door with a key... not a Yale lock. He took his keys with him and the phone has a lock over the keypad..

Anyway I'm naked 24/7. He has hidden everything but I'm still working on a way out. He feeds me sleeping pills... I don't swallow them. When he does the perverse stuff I pretend to be asleep. I'm waiting for the right time and then I'll swallow the lot.... job done. Out of hell..

He started a new punishment after the pub. He went out and brought a cage for a dog. If i piss him off I sleep in the cage. If he's drunk and I piss him off I sleep in the cage... submerged in the pond. My head is just above water... he always threatens to submerge it completely.

Please. At least then I will be free.

Thurs 16th Jan 1992

Still alive....unfortunately.

Hopefully not much longer.

New punishment.... no food.

It's been a week almost. Apparently I am a lazy cunt and I'm eating him out of house and home. I don't know how. The cupboards are all padlocked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What she had gone through and I went and abandoned her for 3 weeks. My heart hurt. I didn't want to upset her anymore so instead I swallowed back the lump in my throat and stifled the tears that were stinging my eyes.

I read the next insert. It was the day of the party.

Wed 22nd Jan 1992

Again I'm still alive. He gave me 2 rounds of stale bread on Monday night. He said that I will eat plenty tonight. He walked away laughing.

Thurs 23rd Jan 1992
10.30 am

Locked myself in a bog.

Got dragged to London. Some band rehearsal. I'm sure he said 'Tim Maclean' couldn't hear him properly. My hearing still hasn't come back properly after being punished for last night. I found out what the plenty to eat comment meant.

He dragged me to a party. Wasn't much of a journey. It was that mansion in Henley that he dragged me to in August. I punched some long haired git that was sitting by the pool after he asked me how much my pimp was paying me....

Anyway I was forced into wearing that dress he brought me. I was handcuffed to the car door for the journey.

(A regular thing now because he found out I went walk about in London when he went to that academy)

So when we got there I was told to keep my mouth shut and only speak to say hello. I was told to refuse any food or drink with a polite no thank you or I would be dealt with. I did as I was told I was too sore to fight. Most of the men were pissed up. I got dragged upstairs. When I started to resist he punched me in the stomach and winded me. He took me into a bedroom and produced my mouth spreader, the handcuffs and a blindfold from a bog on the bed. There was also several wigs.
He made me kneel and handcuffed me to the bed frame. He blindfolded me and put on my mouth spreader. He did what he wanted to do. I initially thought that was it. I heard him leave the bedroom. 5 minutes later he came back. He wasn't alone.

Him......"Redhead, blonde or brunette?"
Other guy .."Blonde "
Wig put on...guy did what he wanted.

Same question every time he brought someone else in.... each time they had finished I felt someone holding a hand over my mouth and nose until I swallowed. I lost count of how many took him up on the offer. He asked them all if they wanted to use me again once I had been broken in. They all pretty much said yes. Got taken back downstairs. There was someone giving a speech. Couldn't see who. He made me leave my glasses behind.

Cutting the story short I puked on both of us. He went ballistic. Got dragged back to the car. Fell on the way. He dragged me across the gravel by my hair. Threw me into the car. Screamed about me being a filthy cunt all the way home. At home he put me in the pond, then the freezer. He got changed, beat me with the brush handle then handcuffed me to the radiator. He went back to the party.

He got home at 4 am.

He kicked me awake at 8am. Made me have a bleach bath and get dressed. He had been invited to watch that Tim band rehearse. Now I'm here in the bog getting ready for him to either kill me or I'm going to do it myself. I'm gothing myself up. Alan hates me like that. If that fails I've got around 3 months worth of sedatives that he thinks I swallowed. I will hide them in here for now. He will check my bag when he see's me.  If he finds them he will know I want death and won't actually kill me. Just punish me and revive me like he usually does.

They're under the sink. I'm giving it 2 hours then I'm giving it 2 hours then I'm out of everything.

1 pm
Puking. They kept me busy. Got offered food. Had to eat it quickly. I can't believe it's XXX hot guy. I don't think he's recognised me. I was wearing a wig the last time we crossed paths. He nearly killed me earlier when I walked out dressed in my black stuff. He dragged me outside but after going through my bag decided to settle on just punching me enough times to find it hard to walk.

Got to show my face briefly. Then I will take my pills. Hotness is knocking on the loo door.

Sat 25th Jan 1992

I'M A WOMAN

So much has happened not enough time to write anything now. David is in the next room.

(XXX HOT GUY.... )

I'M IN LOVE .

The ribbon was on this page so I closed her diary. I took a deep breath and went to the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and watched her. She noticed me after a couple of minutes and stopped. I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms.

"What's wrong? Are you going to tell me to leave?"

"Ssshh. Come with me sweetheart."

I turned off the gas ring then took her hand and led her upstairs. She was crying by the time we reached the bedroom. I scooped her up and we got back into the bed. I kept her in my arms.

Nothing needed to be said we just held each other. I kissed the top of her head and held her until she fell asleep. I spent the whole time she was asleep trying to think of what I could do to mend her heart.