Love in the Dark (Steve Rogers fanfiction )

Chapter 16

"Jolene" - Dolly Parton

"Can I ask you something?" I say to Steve as I lift my head to look at him.

It's morning now and Steve and I are just laying in bed, trying to enjoy being together before we both have to eventually head downstairs and pretend to just be friends.

Last night is still running through my mind, from the sex, to the talk we had, to the bath. By the end we were so tired we fell right to sleep. Overall it's definitely making the list of one of my top favorite nights.

But now that we've woken up, I think back to a conversation I had with Nat, and to the questions she brought up, one I still don't have a clear answer to.

"Of course." Steve says as he runs his hand up and down my back. I'm lying on his chest, both of us still naked, with one leg thrown over him. He looks down at me waiting for my question.

"The night after the party..." I say, hoping it doesn't bother him that I'm asking "was that, your first time?"

Despite my vagueness, he immediately catches on to what I'm asking and lets out an embarrassed chuckle. "Was I that bad?" he asks.

"No!" I blurt out, shocked that he would think that's what I meant. "Believe me." I say as I run my hand down his sculpted chest. "There was nothing bad about it."

"Glad to hear that." He laughs out as he grabs my hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing it before bringing it down and holding it against his chest. "And to answer your question...yes. That was my first time."

My eyes go wide in disbelief. "What the fuck Steve?" I say. I mean, I knew it was a possibility, but it's just so hard to believe.

"What?" Steve asks, a little confused as to what he did wrong.

"How was that your first time? You were..." I stop, getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

"Good?" he asks, and I can tell he's getting a little cocky. But honestly, after the orgasms he's given me, he can be.

"Fucking phenomenal." I say.

He throws his head back laughing, clearly amused by my praise of him.

"Well..." he says, before wrapping his arms around me and suddenly turning me around so that he can lean over me. "I can't take all the credit, you were pretty phenomenal yourself." He runs his hand down the entire side of my body.

He leans down and gives me a few teasing kisses before pulling away. "Was it your first time?" he asks as he slides his hand back up.

I pause, hating my answer. "I don't actually know." I say, and immediately get the familiar sickening feeling in my stomach. The one that happens every time I think about the fact that I don't know who I was a year ago.

Steve sees the shift in my expression and immediately knows what just happened.

"Hey," he says as he pulls my attention back to him. "It's okay. What matters is who you are now and your life here." He pushes my hair out of my face and runs his hand along my cheek.

I put my hand behind his neck and pull him closer to my lips, needing his comfort. As hard as it is living with only the memories of the past 8 months, it's comforting knowing that the people here have made those memories good. Between the helpfulness of Tony and Bruce, Nat and Bucky's friendship, and now Steve's love, it makes it easier to let go of the pain. I may never know what my past life was like, but I know that my present one is pretty great.

Steve continues to move his lips against me, his kisses becoming deeper and more passionate.

"Can we actually keep going this time?" I ask in between kisses. "Or am I still getting punished for what I said about Bucky?"