"WHAT do you mean?" Kylo asked. He's confused as fuck. Gusto niyang malaman kung ano ang ibig sabihin nito.
'I am not Cailean without Kylo,' ulit niya sa sinabi ni Cailean sa kaniyang isip.
Those words confused him because he knew how comfortable Cailean was. Itong ilang oras na magkasama sila, alam niyang si Cailean ay si Cailean. Bukod pa roon, sinabi ng mga kaibigan nila kung ano ang buhay ni Cailean kaya imposibleng tama ang nasa isip niya.
Pero itong kaharap niya ngayon ay iba.
"I never got to live the way I always wanted." Cai smiled bitterly while looking at him. "Kung ano 'yong mga plano ko no'n, kahit isa roon, wala akong natupad kasi tinamad na akong mangarap ulit. I just went with the flow. I tried so hard to finally fulfill what I wanted but failed miserably."
Hindi nagsalita si Kylo. This time, he would hear her out.
"I don't wanna talk about my life, Kylo." She smiled. "Why don't we talk about yours?" anito bago kumain ng ice cream.
Kylo shook his head. "No, I want to hear what happened to you, Cai," he said. "Gusto kong mal–"
"Gusto mong malaman kung gaano ako ka-failure?"
"You are not a fai–"
"Yes, I am," sagot nito at saka yumuko. "Remember I was planning to be a good graphic artist, possibly be someone higher, an animator per se . . . pero hindi ko natupad 'yon. Why? Because I settled with a simple job na bibigyan lang ako ng simpleng trabaho na kaya kong gawin within two hours kahit na isang linggo ang deadline ko."
Kylo was just looking at Cailean. He could see how frustrated Cailean was.
"Hindi na ako nag-excel, I don't have plans to excel. Hindi na ako nag-aral kung paano gawin ang ganito, ganiyan. I settled with what I know. Nagwo-work na lang ako para sa luho ko, para masapatan ang mga pangangailangan ko." She smiled. "I work to die someday. I can't even see myself having a family because I . . . decided to be just like this."
"Just like what? Hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo. You said you can finish a one week project in just two hours. Tapos 'yang mga ginawa mo, nasa EDSA ngayon, if not, nasa prints ng mga mall," ani Kylo. "So, ano'ng sinasabi mo na you're just like this?"
Natahimik si Cailean.
"It's rare to find someone who can visualize a project in a very short period of time but still . . . what you're considering a sloppy design is a huge billboard along EDSA," dagdag niya. "Anong sinasabi mong 'yan ka lang? You're exactly what you wanted, Cailean."
No words came out from Cailean. Nakatingin lang siya kay Kylo.
"Remember when you're so busy editing those Harry Potter images na kahit sobrang sloppy, you were so happy and proud? I saw how you struggled to learn how to remove those white shit from Hermione's hair, pero you did it." Kylo smiled. "Sobrang tuwang-tuwa ka no'ng unti-unti mo nang nakukuha 'yong designs na gusto mo. You worked hard for it, you were natural."
Ngumiti si Cailean. "That's the reason why I said I am not me without you," anito. "You always say the right words, you always choose the right way to comfort me. No'ng magkasama tayo, whenever I feel down, you always find your way to make sure I am okay."
Kylo pressed his lips together while looking at Cailean who was now crying.
"I missed you so much." Tumulo ang luha nito sa pisngi. "Pero wala akong mukhang maiharap sa 'yo, Kylo. Sobrang hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko na ganito lang ako, ganito na lang ako, na hindi na ako umusad dahil sa pride ko. Pero kung alam mo lang? Gusto na kitang habulin."
