赤 - RED.

𝟎𝟏

dirty

Waking up was his least favourite thing. Having to deal with being alive another day.

Dazai woke up by the light of his window even though the curtains were closed, dim light passing through them and setting on his face. stretching his back, this one cracking, he got up and went to the bathroom.

there was blood scattered all over his floor. yesterday was a rough day, he wanted to throw up. Dazai went to the bathtub, filling it with ice water and getting into it.

his hair getting soaked, his whole body trembling, but it felt nice. he let out a sigh and plugged into the water, he smiled. the cold water slowly entering to his lungs, making him feel safe.

he couldn't take it anymore and came out, coughing, his head feeling light and heavy at the same time.

he looked at himself. pathetic. without realizing he started scratching his arms, the bathtub getting red. another sigh and he left the bathroom.

-

"you look unkempt". a little red haired said, looking amused.

"well, that's so nice of you Chuuya! you're paying more attention to me".

Dazai smiled. fake. he felt disgusted towards himself, but kept smiling.

"whatever, Dazai". the smaller one left, stomping recklessly.

a small smile forming on Dazai's face. he followed the red haired and they talked for a bit, after that, the feeling of guilty was too much for him and he threw up.

-

Dazai arrived at his house, feeling dizzy.

a quiet "i'm home" directed to no one in particular, while he left his coat at the rack. suddenly feeling heavy.

he plopped into the couch, the clock striking eleven thirty, deciding it would be better not to eat today. he was so tired, his eyes hardly staying open, he wanted to go to his bed, but it was so far away.

and then, darkness.

-

light making him feel startled. so noisy. he opened his eyes, red.

"mom?" a frightened kid asked.

"what is it, honey?" the woman smiled. don't.

"what are you doing?" he looked at the floor. red, red and more red.

"Shuji, don't look at that".

Shuji?

"mom, what is happening?" a siren sounding far, far away.

the kid tried pulling the woman up. now there was red in his hands too. dirty.

"they are coming", the woman took something shiny, "Shuji, run".

Shuji stayed there. the woman looked away. and suddenly there was red splattered all over the wall, the woman fell. more red. dirty.

-

Dazai woke up, panting. cold sweat spreading down his back, filthy.

he went to the bathroom and threw up. tears running down his face because of the effort.

Dazai sat down in the cold floor, the image of the woman in his head again.

he stood up and frantically started to wash his hands. dirty. more red.

the water was cold, yet something warm was spreading down his arm.

"does it hurt?" a voice in his head asked. Dazai laughed.

"not anymore".

he was still dirty.