赤 - RED.

𝟏𝟐

tree

the cold water ran over him, making him tremble. he didn't even know when it started to rain but now his clothes were all soaked.

he still walked under the rain, not caring about the way his chest ached and his head throbbed. he didn't know where he was going, just following his feet and letting himself enter to a trance where he did not hear nor see anything. just blurry things around him and distant sound difficult to identify. 

but then trees. that green landscape that he knew so well, and a nostalgic smile left his lips. he walked to the top of the hill, viewing Oda's grave. he sat down next to it, leaning on it and closing his eyes. he started to hum, a slow song he was sure he heard Odasaku hum once as well. 

it was still raining, thick cold drops falling on his face. 

"if i'm honest, i don't know how i ended here". he sighed. "i found Fyodor-kun at the entrance of the hospital. i wanted him to play a little for me but he refused". a trembling laugh escaped Dazai. "do you remember when i used to play the piano for you, Odasaku?" 

he waited a little, wishing for a response he knew he wouldn't have. a silent tear going down his face. "you used to watch me so fondly that you actually made me believe that maybe i could be good, that maybe i wasn't so fucked up. but now..." a sob coming from his throat prevented him from continuing. "can i play for you just one last time?" still nothing. more tears. "you know... i'm so pathetic. i don't know what else to do. what am i supposed to do now, Oda?" 

he just hugged himself, waiting and waiting, just like he always did. he didn't want to believe. it wasn't true. 

Dazai sneezed and a shiver ran through his spine. he was starting to feel the cold going up his legs, this ones going numb because of it. 

he laid his head on the grave, feeling exhausted. he started to hum again, the cold wind penetrating on his bones, his head throbbing and his breathing ragged.

then, he fell asleep.

-

"what is it that you don't understand, Dazai?" spank.

"tell me, didn't you like that?"

"is it hard for you to talk, brat?" the man laughed and then another spank.

Dazai was closing his eyes, squeezing them. he felt disgusting, he felt like throwing up. he wanted to scream, he wanted help, but his voice didn't come out. he wanted to cry, but he was so used to it by now that he didn't feel anything at all.

he just waited there, tied up and his mouth shut like always. 

"you're so beautiful". said the man, stroking a lock of his hair and now a tear did come out.

'shut up', he thought, 'please, just shut up'.

the man was still whispering disgusting things in his ear while moving inside him. sloppily kissing his neck, and then his mouth, then his chest. his hands touching him.

the man groaned and Dazai couldn't help but open his eyes. the man looked at him with lust and came inside him.

Dazai knew it was over so he got up, wanting to go, but the man took him by the arm.

"we haven't finished talking, Dazai".