赤 - RED.

𝟏𝟑

wind

Dazai opened his eyes, the sudden light making his head throb again but nothing so serious. it had stopped raining and now the sun was up in the sky, the breeze was still cold but he didn't actually want it to be warm so it was fine.

he got up, his clothes were still soaked and heavy, his hair in his eyes. he didn't want to remember his dream, it scares him and it makes him feel disgusting, so he got up, patted Sakunosuke's grave, and walked to his house. 

-

he arrived to his department, mentally scolding himself for leaving the door unlocked. he took his soaked clothes at the entrance and went to the bathroom. 

he took a quick shower and went to his room, laying on the bed without his clothes because he was just too tired to put on the bandages. he took his phone out of the drawer and turned it on, the sudden intense light made him cringe, a bunch of messages popping up on his screen. 

Atsushi-kun: Dazai-san, are you ok? i know you left the hospital, it's fine, but please take care.

chibi: look, i'm not even going to tell you anything anymore, but could you please be more careful with yourself? i might stop by your apartment.

Akutagawa-kun: are you ok, Dazai-san?

Dazai felt that rush of anxiety going from his feet to his head and then he felt numb, so he quickly turned off the phone. 

he just laid there, his window was open and the cold wind was stroking his soft and bare skin. he put his arm covering his eyes from the soft light of the moon which was making him feel overwhelmed.

the air hitting the roofs of other houses made a lulling noise that made him feel exhausted again, yet he just couldn't fall asleep.

his thoughts were being too loud and everything around him was spinning around, falling apart. his hands and his breathing were trembling, he had to hold onto the sheets to not lose himself. to not drift apart from reality.

he buried his face on the pillow and hold his breath. one, two, three. he kept counting, distracting his mind until he fell asleep.

-

"don't go, Odasaku!". feeling hopeless he stretched his arm trying to reach him, but the latter just walked past him. the sound of a thunder behind them.

"i only want one thing". Dazai was feeling more and more desperate, constantly calling the name of his friend while the other walked away from him.

he knew he couldn't do anything now that Sakunosuke was decided, but he didn't want to let go, not of him... 

his legs started to fail and he just couldn't breathe well anymore, one last "Odasaku" from the bottom of his lungs, hurting his throat, another thunder and he ran to the headquarters.

-

i do not like this chapter...