Roommates ♡ Itafushi ♡

7 - tutor

Megumi woke up. He was sitting on the couch, wrapped snugly in a blanket. Yuji probably carried him there, he guessed. He turned over to see Yuji at the kitchen, preparing breakfast for them. 

I'm so warm, he thought. His mind started wandering the that time they shared their indirect kiss, or last night when they held hands on the floor. His cheeks felt warm in embarrassment. 

Do I...like him? Megumi wondered. Do I like him, as in, he's special to me?

But as quickly as he brought it up, he shut the thought down. Nah he's just a friend. He seems like he'd do this for just anyone. That's the type of person he is. I'm nothing special. 

It's probably a pity thing. He's doing this out of pity because he's a good person. The same way the manager looks out for me out of pity. Because if someone really had the choice, they wouldn't choose me. 

Those were the types of intrusive thoughts that plagued Megumi's mind on a daily basis. Thoughts that constantly made him question his self-worth and his willingness to live.  

But then he remembered Yuji's words from the night before: You aren't alone anymore. I'm here for you, and I won't leave you. 

And just like that, he got the slightest bit of hope. No matter the reason, whether he said those words out of kindness, love, or pity, Megumi decided to cling to what Yuji said. And the tiniest spark formed in his heart. 

Even if it's a delusion, even it's fake, even if he doesn't like me back. I'll let myself hold on to this feeling. No matter what happens. 

And Megumi smiled to himself, allowing himself to feel to comfort in the warm blanket that Yuji had wrapped around him. The first time, in a long time. 

⤜-------⤛

Ding ding. The bell had rung. School had ended. Students walked out of the classroom, including Yuji's two friends that waved him goodbye.

Megumi sat up straight in his chair, looking at the board as the teacher was erasing it, and realized that he was behind on almost everything. He started panicking internally. I think I skipped out on the last 2 units for all of my classes. Fuck, what am I going to do?

Yuji poked him from behind, "Hey Megumi what's- are you okay?" Yuji noticed that Megumi was in  a state of shock. It was subtle, but Yuji was around him enough to know that he was going through some internal struggle.

"I have no clue what's going on" Megumi admitted. "Absolutely no clue. I'm so behind. What am I going to do?" Megumi started scratching his head. 

"Don't worry I'll try tutoring you!" Yuji suggested. "I'm caught up with all the notes. I mean, I'm no genius but I understand it well enough, I think. You have no work today right? So let's just study together tonight." He patted Megumi on the back. Megumi felt some relief wash over him.

Megumi sat up abruptly. "Okay, let's study together then."

⤜-------⤛

Back at home, Yuji was teaching him a few math formulas. They were sitting at the kitchen table, with all of Yuji's notes and their textbooks sprawled out all over the table top. Surprisingly, Megumi had caught on pretty quickly. 

"Well that's all for that lesson." Yuji turned the page of the textbook. "Megumi..." Yuji side-eyed him, "are you secretly a genius?"

Megumi scoffed. "No way. I think math just comes easily to me. Same with science I guess. I hate memorization though. I'm so screwed for history." Megumi remembered the history text they were set to have next week and took a long sigh. 

"Come on, give yourself more credit," Yuji tried to boost his confidence. It was kind of hard to do, since Megumi had the tendency to bring himself down whenever some tried to lift him up. "I actually think that if you didn't fall asleep all those times, you would be at the top of the class."

Megumi turned away shyly, blushing slightly. Why are you blushing, he just said you would do good in school if you tried. Then he chastised himself. 

Megumi denied him. "Well that doesn't matter, since right now I'm at the bottom at the class," Megumi said dejectedly. "I hope I can at least pass though." 

Megumi remembered why he always slept during class. It was in part because sleeping in an alleyway was dangerous and he was at risk of getting mugged, so it was safer to be asleep during class so he could be alert at night. It was also because he didn't think his future would be anything worthwhile. But after meeting Yuji, both of those things were no longer a problem. 

Yuji smiled at him. "I'm glad you're thinking like this now. It's a good start. A while ago you never cared about school, and you always just slept in class. But seeing you try your best and putting in effort," Yuji put his hand on top of Megumi's, "it makes me happy to see you succeed."

Megumi looked at Yuji. His face felt hot. There it was again. That feeling of hope welled up inside him. The hope that Yuji gave him.

Before getting to know Yuji, Megumi would've never cared about things like getting good grades or what he wanted to do in the future. He was prepared to just one day pass out in that alleyway and never wake up. He was willing to just throw his life away. He didn't care about shit back then. 

But now he cared about something. It was still small, a tiny spark, but now he cared. 

"Yeah, I'll do my best." Megumi stated. "Let's hope I don't have to repeat a year."