1996 - ginny weasley

chapter 25

TW - S3LF HARM / SU1CIDE

I woke up in the infirmary. I was in wrist and ankle restraints, and Ginny was by my side. 

"Where am I? What happened, where's Cedric?"

Ginny looked grim.

"Vi, you tried to kill yourself. I woke up because I heard something crash and you were in the bathroom on the ground and there was blood everywhere... why would you do that to yourself?" 

I remembered it now. Cedric was dead. I had tried to kill myself. 

"I think I wanted to be with Cedric. I had a dream about him. I saw our future."

My voice was hoarse and dry. 

"Violetta, you can't do that to me again. I thought I lost you."  I didn't realize until now that she was crying.

Pansy burst through the doors.

"Miss Parkinson, you can't-"

"Quiet you git. I'm staying. Get out, both of you. I'm not making any exceptions this time for you Weasley," Pansy said.

Ginny and Madam Pomfrey quietly exited the hall, not daring to look in Pansy's eyes. 

"I'm not letting you sleep alone ever again, let alone go to sleep before me. You scared the living shit out of everyone. I thought you were dead."

"Pansy, he's dead. He's somewhere in the ground rotting away," I said, feeling like I couldn't breathe just mentioning Cedric.

"How do you think he would've reacted to finding you half-dead on the bathroom floor? He would've lost his mind, and pulled some wild Romeo and Juliet shit," Pansy said, with a laugh at the end.

When I had finished talking to my visitors, I spent the night in a cold cot, the smell of death and rubbing alcohol surrounding me. The next morning I was discharged from the infirmary and moved to my bedside for the next three days.

Pansy stayed by my side most of the time. She and the other girls helped me do school work and keep up with classes and drama. 

There was one day I caught a bad fever. But I was on bedrest, instructed not to go anywhere without someone else for a whole week. Students and teachers at Hogwarts no longer viewed me as the intimidating Violetta Black. I was now treated like some fragile doll that would break at any moment. 

My head grew even hotter. I just needed water, it wasn't that far. I got up slowly, carefully putting my hand on the bedpost to steady myself. I grabbed the handle of the bathroom door and pulled it open, but a sharp pain rose in my wrists and I let go, losing my balance and falling.

I couldn't move, my whole body ached. I heard someone open the door.

"Violetta!" 

I recognized her stubborn yet bubbly voice. Ginny had come to check on me. She helped me to my feet and back into bed, then grabbed a glass of water and handed it to me.

"Violetta, you aren't supposed to get up without someone to help you, you could've gotten hurt," she said, reaching for my hand, but then bringing it in. 

I reached back out and grabbed it. She gave me a look that felt familiar, but I couldn't recognize it. It was an old look, something that I hadn't seen in a while. 

I held her hand for a minute, my eyes staring into hers. 

"Well, I better get going. Do not get up without someone in this room, you hear me?" 

She gently wrapped her arms around me for a hug and left. I felt alone without her. I don't know why I craved her touch so badly. I think I just missed Cedric and needed someone to be with now that he was dead.

Every time I thought about it, it was like knives stabbing me in the chest. I tried to stop thinking about it, but everything started to replay. 

No, no, no. Block it out, Violetta. 

I couldn't. There he was, lying cold and dead on the ground. I saw myself, crying over his body screaming in agony. I saw his father, trying to hide his tears. I realized I hadn't talked to Harry since I lashed out at him. 

I needed to see him as soon as I could. I needed answers.

Over the next week, I healed and was finally allowed to go back to classes.  

I walked down from the divination tower and walked to the Gryffindor common room. 

Luna stopped me in the hallway.

"Why hello Violetta, would you like me to help you carry your books?" she said.

I never really noticed Luna's voice until now. It was soft and angelic, like a newborn baby.

"Yes, Luna that would actually be great. I'm just headed to Gryffindor common room to find-"

"If you're looking for either Harry or Ginny or anyone else from Gryffindor really, they're all in the great hall. There's a big fight going on. Would you like to go there?"

"Erm... sure. Thanks, Luna." 

We approached the entrance to the great hall. Harry and Ginny stood at the Gryffindor table shouting at each other. Our friends sat around the table watching in misery. Not a single teacher was in sight.

"Bloody hell, Ginny, you're always fucking taking her side! Do you even love me, or did you get with me out of heartbreak?" Harry shouted. 

"What on earth are you saying? I love you Harry, but she is going through shit right now. Her boyfriend died. She tried to kill herself, could you spare her your sympathy at the least?!" Ginny cried back. 

Neither of them had yet to notice me and Luna standing there.

"I honestly don't care what she did to herself. She didn't deserve such a brave and kind man as Cedric."

At this, I charged forward, tears already streaming down my face.

"Well, Potter, quite brave of you to say. Were you not the one out there with him when he died? It's your fault. You couldn't protect him. So don't you dare say another fucking word about him or our relationship. Because we loved each other, something you haven't experienced in a while. Yes, that's right. You're correct. Ginny doesn't love you, and she hasn't in a while, it's clear as day to everyone in this room. You have caused people unimaginable pain, and the only reason you have friends is your fame. So sit the fuck down, and shut your mouth before you get expelled for disrespecting the life of the most brilliant and caring seventh year there was in this school."

Damn, that felt good. At least I finally talked to Harry.