Claustrophobia

31

TW: cutting, hitting a head against the desk, self neglect, hint of past sexual harassment, mention of Patton, blood, semi detailed description of cutting.

Not for ones who are sensitive to topics of mental health issues and self harm. Don't kill me

Third Person POV

Janus groaned as they got out of bed. "Another day another migraine." They mumbled looking over to Tommy. They chuckled and kissed his cheek.

The two had told the others about their relationship and everyone was super for it. Damien and Remus did give the usual threats of violence if Janus' heart is broken. Tommy swore he would never hurt Janus.

Janus was happy in the relationship. He was happy with his role, identity, family. But...... some thing was wrong. Something just seemed off.

——Week Later——

He groaned and hit his head on the desk. "Why?" He mumbled hitting his head. He leaned back in his chair and pushed his hair out of his face, sleeves falling to show his arms.

Janus sighed and ran his gloved hand over his forearm. Over the faded white lines he made over four years ago when the mindscape broke for the second time again in years.

Janus shook his head and rolled up his sleeves. No point in dwelling on the past! He's fine now. He's helping the others and he has taken them for himself so he could get better. Hasn't he?

——2 Weeks Later——

Janus flickered into Logan then to Virgil then to himself again, and repeat.

Things in the mind palace may still be rocky but Thomas was okay. They still had to keep him operating when they dealt with Patton because they couldn't put their host's life on pause. That's not how it works.

The one time they did is when Thomas had to go on emotional hiatus before Tommy came along.

Janus put their hat on the desk and rested their arms on the desk, face buried in them. They groaned and sighed.

Janus switched faster as the stress piled. "I'm fine. I'm Thomas' self preservation! Not my own." They thought before going back to work.

——A month later——

Janus just sat in bed. She's been here in the same spot for two days. She had work to do but what's the point?

Why eat? Why maintain herself? Why shower? Why change anything but your underclothes? Why work?

Janus honestly didn't have an answer for this but she did these things to take care of her family as it was the only thing that mattered to her. Not even herself mattered to her.

Janus groaned and got out of bed when she heard Logan and Roman arguing. Time to clean yourself up and start the day.

——2 Months later——

"Anyone else notice something with Janus?" Tommy asked as he and the kids sat in the living room.

Tommy noticed Janus' dementor start dropping. He asked and she dismissed. Every time he asked he was dismissed again.

"I noticed a lot of anxiety radiating from mom but she's been doing a lot of work so I didn't think anything of it." Virgil piped up after a long silence.

"Her work has been missing that flair that always comes with it. I found it odd." Logan added.

"Is something wrong with her?" Remus asked. "Mama cry at night! I hear all time!" Irra said as he tried to get the star block into the square hole.

"Irra? What do you mean she cries?" Remus asked. "The star block in the star hole bud." Irra put the star block in the star hole. The 2 year old clapped and giggled as the block fell into the box.

"Irra. Do you hear mama cry?" Remus asked softly. Irra nodded. "Uh-huh! She cry almost every night. I hear cause I no sleep!" Irra answers. The adults shared a worried look.

"We should talk to her." Roman suggested. "Definitely." Everyone agreed.

——A week later——

Janus dropped to her knees. They bruised slightly when she hit the bathroom tile.

Blood dropped to the floor. A small rhythm coming about as each drop slipped off her wrist and landed on the ground.

Janus chuckled sadly and tearfully made another slit. She laughed as she felt the burn of the razor.

Janus made 7 more. Now 9 in total. A slit for everyone she's disappointed. One for each member of her family, one for herself and one for Thomas.

She eventually snapped back to reality and realised what she did. Janus dropped the razor and started crying.

She covered her arm with a towel and left the bathroom. She walked into the hall. It was quiet in the dead of night.

She went to Tommy's room and knocked frantically. He opened the door after a while. "Tommy please help me. I did something bad! I'm sorry." She cried as she uncovered the cuts.

Tommy went pale and brought Janus into his bathroom to clean her arm and patch it.

———————

As he patched Janus spilt everything. Everything that's been eating at her for the past while and how it was starting to hit her full force over the past pair of months.

Tommy hugged Janus when he finished patching. He pulled Janus onto his lap and held Janus close.

Janus leaned against him and Tommy pet her hair and said everything will be okay.

Janus started calming down and started falling asleep for exhaustion. Tommy kissed her head softly. He got up and held Janus tightly.

He brought Janus into bed and cuddled next to her. Janus laid in Tommy's arms and nuzzled close. "Thank you for not being mad." She mumbled, mostly asleep.

"Of course dear. We can talk with Emile tomorrow and we can fix this." Tommy said before kissing her softly. Janus pushed him away to break the kiss.

"Please don't. I don't want repeats. Morality kissed me all the time when I was to tired to anything. He kissed my neck to and I don't want to remember." Janus mumbled sadly as she fought off sleep.

Tommy nodded and pet her hair. "Forehead and head kisses okay?" He asked wanting to know all boundaries. Janus nodded and he kissed her forehead. "I'll keep that rule in mind Janny. You need to sleep." Tommy said.

Janus nodded. "Just wait for it." She mumbled as she got out of bed. There was a knock on the door when she reached it.

Janus opened the door and saw Virgil holding baby Irra. "He wanted you. More nightmares." Virgil explained. Janus nodded and kissed Virgil's head.

"Thank you Vee." Janus smiled softly. "Sworry for wake." Irra apologized. Virgil kissed his head. "It's okay. Night." Virgil bid before leaving.

Janus and Irra got back into bed with Tommy. The trio cuddled up and fell asleep, thankfully dreamless.