french girl • j.jk

тридцать два

january 30th

namjoon took longer than expected to build up the courage to talk to you about things. he was informed about what had happened with vanessa, and it was eerie how your stories linked. except, yours was subjectively sadder.

he couldn't believe you would give up your life to not live a killer, or for jungkook. he liked to think it was out of your morals that you decided to pull the trigger on yourself.

"ayen, you're here." he smiled at you fondly, as if you don't see him almost everyday. he had invited you to his dorm again, and though you had left it in a bad mood last time, you decided to come anyway. "hot chocolate?"

"no," you said while hanging up your coat. the fabric was wet from the melting snowflakes. "how about we go for coffee?"

"sure," he shrugged. he went down to it while you lied down on his couch. you guys had the same layout in your dorms but his just felt... safer.

the scent of caffeine filled the room while he contemplated asking you what his professor had asked him to do. he was given instructions and all, but it still felt complicated. there was still a chance that you would just throw the coffee in his face and walk off, yelling about loving jungkook. loving him too much to be a witness against him.

"i'm sorry i keep doing this," he began reluctantly as he handed you your mug. "but i need to ask this. do you know what happened to vanessa?"

you froze. really? there was absolutely no escape from jungkook haunting you, and he was supposed to be your longest boyfriend! "yeah," you said just above a whisper.

every time you were with namjoon, there was something new wrong with your relationship. it wasn't new factors, only newly discovered. maybe you should've listened to jungkook's request to not see your friend.

"isn't it weird how... similar your stories are?"

he refrained from calling them basically identical.

"i visited her," you blew off some of the steam emitting from your mug. "she thinks he's insane."

he inched closer to you on the couch. he placed a hand on your shoulder and asked, "do you think he's insane?"

"namjoon, why do you care?"

his hand tensed on your shoulder. why were you looking at him so angrily? he was your friend, he had the right to care. "you wouldn't care if the roles were reversed between you and me?"

his professor had nothing to do with him wanting to help you. vanessa was just another person he could save in the meantime - because it all came down to one bad guy: jungkook.

you put your mug on the coffee table before sighing guiltily. you didn't have that little wooden table in your dorm, so you assumed namjoon or his constantly absent roommate, taehyung, had brought it in. "you're right, i'm sorry. but you're jungkook's friend-"

namjoon suddenly realized why you were so reluctant in opening up to him. him and jungkook were basically brothers, of course you would think he was passing information to him. for all you knew, this could be a test of your loyalty once again.

"no, him and i aren't friends. not if he hurts you when no one else is around." your tears brimmed, of course they did, you shouldn't be having this discussion on your period. you could just make the wrong move. "we don't even talk anymore. it happened the last time he had a girlfriend, he always shuts down when it happens."

you nodded understandingly and sipped on the drink to get a grip. you couldn't start crying again. "i think he's trying to move on from his insane behavior."

"this again," he laughed as he recalled your discussion about changing bad people on your own. "people don't change in a snap, ayen. i've known him for so long, and i know for a fact he needs professional help. if not for you, for vanessa."

oh, the guilt play. he hated himself for resorting to this.

"she's suffering and will be for many more years because of something she didn't do."

"why are you telling me this?" you had had enough of all these overwhelming feelings hitting you at once. what was the point? for you to cry in his arms again? you stood up and shoved his hand from your shoulder.

he stood up with you, towering you once more. "because mister johnson is trying to save her, and he needs our help. all you have to do is be a witness and give a testimony, just to serve justice."

you shook your head as you chanted no in tears. you started this; you weren't supposed to encourage him, you were just trying to defend your boyfriend. it was all your fault and namjoon was proposing only one way of fixing it - going against jungkook.

you couldn't, but you had to.

"listen to me," he demanded as he grabbed your arms that were covering your face. "jungkook is a threat to society. why are you studying criminology if not for helping others?" he knew he was being manipulative, but was it a lie? he had to twist the truth in his favor, lead you to the right direction and if that meant using your emotions against you, he'd do it a hundred more times. no more unnecessary remorse because of a stupid crush. he had to be assertive.

"i'll- i'll talk to him," you barely mustered due to your hiccups. when did you start sobbing? "but i don't- i don't want him to go to j-jail."

"but vanessa did," he whispered. he was stroking your hair, awfully close to you. you gave in to his hug. "even if it hurts, jungkook has to go."

while he was thinking about vanessa, you couldn't stop thinking about soojin. she was never served the justice she deserved, and you had to be the one to do it.

but when?