french girl • j.jk

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jungkook was startled when you slammed the door shut with surprising strength. he innocently looked at you as he pulled out his headphones. how could someone so gracious be so toxic?

"what's wrong, love?" he stood up from your swivel chair and held your hands gently. his gaze was so caring that you almost felt bad for disrupting the peace in the room.

you stared at him with desperation in your glossy eyes. "how long will it take for love to cure my cancer, jungkook? hm? i feel like i'm dying, you hear me?" despite the hurt in your voice, your tone was cotton soft.

it reminded you of vanessa.

with a slight pull of your hands, he sat you down next to him on the mattress. the soft white comforter did little to calm you down, but it was enough to make you feel like you were in a safe enough space to finally open up to your boyfriend. warm color schemes in the room and in the forest.

"are you... upset with me?"

all you could do was stare at him yet again. he was silently begging you to answer, his grip on your hands gradually getting tighter. what could you possibly say in response?

you slowly slipped off the ring but he stopped you halfway. he slapped your hand away and slipped it all the way back into your middle finger. "why did you remove it from your ring finger?"

it sounded like he had struggled to ask. his voice had gotten quiet, trying to hide the emotion behind his words. he could break down any second and you felt so sorry for him for a split moment.

"namjoon thought we were engaged."

he looked up from your fingers. "so? let him think what he wants. why do you care?"

there he goes again; no traces left of his emotional self. you groaned angrily, "why would i not tell him the truth?! what the absolute fuck is wrong with you jungkook? this is exactly why i'm going mad."

as if he just realized what he'd said, he began to stammer out apologies. "i'm so sorry, i tend to say things on impuls-"

you interrupted him with the million dollar question, "who did you kill?"

his eyes damn near popped out of its sockets. "who- what? i killed? you know- what do you mean? how could you possibly-"

you grabbed his face to stop him from blabbering further. he stared at you wide-eyed while you tried to silence him with your glare. "jungkook," you urged, "you told me you killed her. who is 'her'?"

"you will love me, yes? no stop?" he was anxiously pleading like he'd forgetten english, as if he was speaking it for the first time again.

"calm down baby," you cooed while running your fingers through his hair. "it's okay, you can tell me. i-" you took a second to muster up the courage to finish your sentence. "i won't stop loving you."

like a maniac, he started nodding frantically for no appearant reason. his breaths had gotten shallow and you worried if he was having another panic attack. it was sickly relieving you to know he was traumatized about it, as if assuring you he had empathy; assuring you he wasn't a psychopath.

you gulped and lied down his body that was jerking back and forth. "shit," you gasped, "are you having a seizure?"

you quickly stood up while chanting, "fuck, fuck, fuck..." he was just staring at you like a clueless toddler. you had no idea what was happening, and slapping him sounded like the best idea. he'll snap out of it, right? that's what your mom did when you fainted once, so it must work.

one hard slap turned into two, two turned into three, and three turned into many more. you were caging him with your legs while slapping him endlessly in hopes of him going back to normal. at some point, you forgot about the treatment; it suddenly became a stress reliever.

breathing heavily, you just realized he'd gone unconscious. "fuck," you breathed. you slid off his loins and lied down next to him. "it's karma, it is..."

the moment your eyes shot open from your ten minute nap, one thing echoed in your mind. separation anxiety. "that's it!"

jungkook, who had been staring at you before you'd woken up so excitedly, looked at you as if you were an alien. "pardon?" it didn't take him long to regain consciousness after his mild seizure. it had just been a moment of panic.

"you have separation anxiety, don't you? or wait, no, did mister johnson call it attachment disorder?"

his body tensed. you noticed his cheeks were still red from your unhelpful attacks on his face. you sank into the mattress, figuring that he probably felt the stinging by then.

you continued when he became thoughtful, "obsessive love disorder, was it? are you obsessed with me?"

without hesitation, he replied, "yes."

"did you kill soojin?"

"yes."

you inhaled deeply and closed your eyes. "fuck, jungkook," was all you could bring yourself to say. "why?" why am i taking this so... normally? as if i expected it...

"i lived with the fear of her leaving me for another man any second for too long. i just wanted her to stay..." he looked down guiltily, his eyes landing on your chest. "forever."

your heart palpitated. without realizing, a breathy "shit," slipped out of your mouth. his frown deepened. "would you kill me if i left you?"

what sounded like a suppressed chuckle turned into dry sobs. his eyes began to tear up but you were frozen, waiting for him to answer. "i fucking hate living like this," he hiccuped, "would you... would you ask that to namjoon if you were dating him?"

silently petting his hair, you whispered for him to let it all out. you had just realized what the poor man was going through. his mind must be hell, being so unstable and always worrying about you leaving him for his past mistakes and current self. he doesn't feel normal.

his gasps became louder as he screamed, "why does my own girlfriend have to worry about me killing her?!" his cries were violent while you calmly massaged his scalp. it was truly sad to live the way he does, but who else could he blame? maybe it was worse having only himself to blame for everything.

"you're okay," you reassured quietly. his head was tucked under your chin as he snuggled into your chest desperately. you occasionally pecked the crown of his head, listening to his now soft breathing. "i trust you. i'm not leaving you, okay?"

you pulled him away by tugging at his hair and in front of his eyes, took off the promise ring. just as he was about to cry again, you slipped it back onto your ring finger. "fuck what others think, yeah?"

if cuteness was deadly, jungkook's smile in that moment would be the first to kill you. kittens couldn't compete with that sight.