insecure || Changlix

twenty-six

" Say...what is this deal all about?"

As soon as this words left the youngers mouth, the older turned his head, a little confused, almost annoyed.

"Why are you always questioning that?"
it almost came out a little too harsh since Felix flinched, so he tried to soften his tone a little. "I just don't get it, it's the same with you asking as to why I kiss you."

"But a kiss is supposed to be..." felix stilled for a while... and stopped himself before some words would slip his mouth that would just end up hurting either of them. Obviously a kiss is supposed to be something special, not just something someone does because of a deal.

But on the other hand, maybe the male just had a different interpretation of what kissing meant. Because what Felix understood under kissing was what you saw in all this idealized movies and dramas, where the guy and the girl are kissing under a streetlight in the rain after they escaped a dangerous situation and thought they would both die. Where they hold each other and gaze into each other's eyes as if the other is their whole universe, where meeting the others lips is filled with so much love and so many feelings that they have to pull apart after a few moments because both are so overwhelmed with how their significant other made them feel.

But how so often the reality just looks different.
Beginning with the difference that Felix and Changbin are both guys and neither of them a girl, they live in a country that doesn't support any other sexuality than heterosexuality, at least two people of the same gender can't marry, the world is unfair. They kiss for reasons they don't know themselves, surely can't be interpretated as love, not even interest and also no lust, just kissing. And when they look into each others eyes... sure sometimes Felix eyes would glitter from time to time when he felt comforted or positively surprised with how caring the older could be, but obviously he can't see his own eyes and Changbin would never admit to how lovingly he sometimes stares at him and how it somehow affects him.

"...a kiss is supposed to be what?" spacing out in his thoughts as to how to continue his sentence Felix got more or less cut off, the older slumped back down once again in his seat, what followed was a scoff. "Love?"

This very word made Felix snap his head to Changbin's direction, frowning on how bitter it sounded leaving his lips. He observed how the latters face was scrunched and his eyes darkened.

"But love is so won-" just about to persuade the older male, the younger stopped in his tracks when he suddenly realized how few he knew himself about this topic. And how he somehow sided with Changbin on this one.

"Okay, I'm sorry... let's talk about something else...or maybe we should just go..." Felix smiled wiping this frown from his face and hearing how the older sighed and shook his head to some thoughts that stroke him.

He was just about to open the car door — some minutes before he was panicking but now this seemed to be the less worse— but halted in his tracks, very surprised about what he just heard.

"No, it's okay, let's talk about it."

"Huh?" Felix let go of the handle and turned his head back where he met Changbins determined eyes.

"B-but..."

"I hate it, it's that obvious isn't it?" he spoke every word clearly, not breaking the gaze as he just manned up to talk about a topic he genuinely hated. And truth to be told he probably would've never talked about love with anyone as than this cute boy just in front of him. But you don't hear that from him.

"...I-I mean m-me too" felix confessed, trying his best not to break eye contact as he felt a little uncomfortable under the strong gaze.

"Hm..." changbin hummedin thought, turning his body towards Felix so he wouldn't have to bent his head so much to speak with him. "I noticed that"