insecure || Changlix

twenty-two

After the older had finished his story, Felix just sat quietly beside him. Swallowing all the information he just heard, it was a lot. Many questions surrounded him and he urged to ask for some details but he was sensitive enough not to noticing how the other stared blankly out of the window, fists clenched and muscles visibly tensed.

Seeing this the Australian quickly brought his arms around changbin's neck and back and engulfed him in a tight, warm and comforting hug.

He really valued it highly that the older male shared something that personal with him and it made him feel like there was some kind of trust between them. Maybe Changbin would never admit it and Felix found it ridiculous since he didn't know him for that long now.
But he strangely trusted him, wanted to comfort him.

Now that he finally could understand him better. He never chose to kill or hurt someone, he just started it all to be there for his sick mother and provide money for her. He didn't even want to continue it but got forced into it. And becoming like that made him numb, locking up all his feelings, to not let anyone in.

This walls he build himself still existed and he didn't plan on putting them down so fast, because he just couldn't but at the same time it felt so strange to have someone seemingly care about you. and this would be his weakpoint. Slowly but surely.

Felix didn't even knew that this wrecked and messed him up that bad. Probably that wasn't even everything but he wouldn't force him into saying something he would feel uncomfortable with. He saw no point in rushing it, little steps were big enough and even more he could ask for.

And so, the both males were sitting cuddled up on changbin's bed. The younger engulfing him tightly and the latter just sat there, not hugging back.

But if Felix hadn't rest his head on the others shoulder, he would've see how some hot tears were silently running down the olders face.

He hadn't been crying in ages.

"how are you feeling now that you let it all out?" felix asked still patting his back in a soft, comforting manner, as if he could break him with the wrong tone of voice.

changbin didn't answer but to the others surprise, Felix could feel a strong arm slinging around his lower back and a head resting on his shoulder as well. Making him quietly smile a bit.

"I miss her"

the three words came out cracked and broken, making felix just tighten his grip and sitting himself on the olders lap, for a better and more comfortable hugging position.

"who do y-" he first furrowed his brows in confusion but caught on real quick after that and adjusted his words. "did she-"

"she's dead." the cold and direct tone in his voice scared the younger for a moment, but even more the insecure words he added. "I couldn't protect her. I didn't do enough. I should have done more. But I couldn't and for that I should die. I should d-"

changbins words soon lost themselves in loud sobs and irregular breathing. he felt so lost right now and even if he wanted to hold his image and be this tough, emotionless and strong guy he just couldn't. he was too weak, too fragile in his inside and couldn't cover it up any longer.

Felix was a bit shocked not expecting him to actual cry but just shrugged it of and did what came to his mind at first. "Shhhhh" he patted his back with one hand and his head with the other. "you did everything you could do. It's not your fault. you did your best. you even gave up your beliefs."

the sobbing and irregular raising of his thorax stopped for a moment and Felix could feel how his head lifted a bit up. "how do you mean this?"

Felix also stopped patting him while pulling back  to face him "You did something that didn't go together with your moral and something you thought was wrong. You joined this gang and ended up in it somehow. But....you did it out of love. For your mom. She's probably really proud that you helped her so much."