cabinet

thirty-four.

day 22 with jaehyung
12:19

today's air is lighter than usual.

these past five days have been nothing but sweets; wonpil and dowoon making it official, sungjin finally getting a car, and we also found jaehyung's friends and he's finally going back in a week.

but.. why do i feel so sad?

why does it feel like i'm the only one who feels incomplete? despite everyone being happy around me, the energy is just ricocheting back to where it came from. as much as i want to reciprocate the feeling, something inside me just doesn't want to.

i'm elated that jaehyung is going home, i know it. i've had my heart set straight after that day when i cried in his arms. i might be sad and miss him for a bit, but that doesn't seem to be the reason why i'm sad. i just can't put a finger on it.

the door to my room creaks open, and a strand of blonde hair peeks through before the entirety of jaehyung's head appears. his face forms a small smile before he hops into the room. "hello.." his lips form a smile.

oh, my heart. i internally gripped my chest. after i found out he knows how to talk, i decided to teach him how to talk all day. and it worked out pretty well, i suppose. "sup?" i pat his head as soon as he sat beside my bed.

"i.. i'm still struggling." although the stuttering is at bay, the volume of his voice is something we need improvement on. nonetheless, the best thing about this is that he's regained at least 30% of his vocabulary and now he speaks like a pre-teen.

i'll be honest, it's better than feeling like i'm speaking to a brick wall. "struggling with what?" i turn to my side to face him, only to catch him staring at me for god knows how long.

but i'm already used to it. "oh, well.. uhm, the occassional stutters." he replied, pointing his two fingers against each other. "but i'm controlling it." he smiles.

"hey, at least you got rid most of it in five days." i say, and his smile grows bigger.

and then there was a brief silence, "ah, uhm, i'm gaining.. b-bits of my memories back." he perked up, and my brows rose in surprise.

"huh, like what?" i quizzed, and he falls into a deep thought as he closed his eyes and hummed. wow, does he always act like this? i thought to myself. he's such a quirky boy.

he jolts as it seems that he finally got his thoughts together, "ah! i was in school!" he says.

"then?"

"then i had.. two friends."

i blink a few times, not sure if i should continue this on, but i still did. ".. and then?"

"then i.." he trails off, his eyes falling down to his knees as his hands start to grip the fabric covering them. "i wonder what's the rest." his voice falls solemn and i could only watch.

though i had the answer to his question, i kept quiet. i don't know why i did but i was torn between telling him or not, and my body automatically decided for me. i do feel bad, it's just... something's telling me it's better this way.

i pat his head again, "don't worry, it'll come back to you soon." i reassure him and he gives me a small smile. "is that all you remember?"

"ye..yes." he responded.

the room falls silent again, i would be filled with thoughts but all i'm thinking about is how to bring a conversation with him, how farther can this whole thing take, and how much he's gonna open up to me. as if he's some guy i'm on a date with.

however, the next thing he does causes my heart to skip a beat. he doesn't even ask; he immediately gets on my bed and faces me without hesitation. "i always noticed this.." his hands starts to roam around until it reaches my cheeks.

i couldn't move, and i'm sure my face is red as fuck. "you look like a fox." he says, taking his palms off but he stays on the bed.

that's a first. "i.. i guess."

"you.. you're red."

"i'm not."

his hands found its way back to my face, this time it rests on my forehead. "are y-you sick?"

i can't take it anymore, the proximity between us was suffocating that my heart felt like it was gonna jump out of my chest, so much that sat up in a jolt. my heart still racing and he even noticed i was red. god, this is embarrassing.

he follows suit, sitting up as his already concerned look grows more. "wh– what happened?" he asks.

"nothing—"

"le-let me see, you're red.." i was cornered again, this time i had no chance of escaping as his hands were digging down on the mattress as i sat between them, and there's a wall behind me. how convenient.

his face is getting closer, and my heart is beating faster. i had to stop him but i didn't know how. i feel like a cub next to a lion right now, what the fuck is going on..??

before he gets any closer, i poke the bridge of his glasses. "your glasses, i-it's crooked."

as soon as i spoke, jaehyung quickly pulls away to readjust his glasses and i change my position to somewhere better where i won't be cornered. "uhm, are you okay?" still persistent as ever, i knew this won't stop unless i give him an answer.

"i'm fine, don't worry about me." i stood up to gain my composure, but i could only run a hand through my hair. "worry about yourself.." i mumble before leaving the room.

what the hell was that? i wipe the beads of sweat away from my forehead, and i could feel my neck flushing as well. "vicious... he's fucking vicious." i manage to heave out as i tried to catch my breath.

conveniently, before my thoughts came back to haunt me, the doorbell rings. in a whim, i quickly rushed to catch the door without thinking twice. it could be the cops or anyone ready to send me to jail, but i was so flustered with the entire scenario earlier that i couldn't think straight.

thankfully, whatever i thought was behind the door was none of it. instead, i was startled by dowoon and sungjin popping confetti along with the loud cheers coming from wonpil.

"congratulations, you are free of obligation!"

—

hehe weird chapter sorry

how have you all been? (: