cabinet

thirty-seven.

day 23 with jaehyung
17:06

jaehyung has been really vocal lately. his random noises that were mostly singing songs, then him realizing it's part of his memories, so he comes to me just so he could go on and on about it.

and this has been going since i woke up.

i wouldn't say the day is going rough, but it's not like i don't feel annoyed either. it would be nice if he left me alone so i could pack some weed in peace.

not being able to track count of how many times he entered the room, the door creaks open, before he peeks in. "i just remembered something, again." he says casually, his lips forming a nonchalant smile.

"what did you remember?" i asked, but i wasn't really interested. since all he remembers are the things he used to do on the daily, such as taking showers or his hobbies in general.

but he didn't speak, he was silent for a while and instead, "i'm.. i'm hungry. i'll look f-for something to eat." he says as he leaves me confused when he walks out the door.

i couldn't decipher what just happened, and continued on with packing the weed i harvested this morning.

which sends me into a dilemma, i haven't put some thought into what i actually should and want to do, until jaehyung came. i was comfortable, too comfortable with the state of my living.

should i really be doing this? is it worth it in the end? and what do i even gain from selling drugs? without a doubt, a great sum of money that i send to my mother who thinks i work at a proper job.

at the same time, my mother seems to be contented enough that she doesn't bother me. as long as she doesn't question it, i'll be fine.

despite that, i don't know if i actually want to live like this. i never really knew what i wanted in my life in the first place, or even thought of what i wanted.

it just so happened that some guy – from my school – asked me a favor to sell his drugs, then gave me connections when he realized how capable i was. damn, it's all his fault. if only i turned left on the traffic light that day.

it's my own problem now, and i should probably re-evaluate my life choices.

getting done with the last pack, i set them aside before standing up to check up on jaehyung. he seemed to be distressed with himself, and how he just walked out of the room earlier made me more concerned. ever since he became vocal, he started to become a little pesky and clingy that it was almost unbearable, but i'm pulling through somehow.

i spot him sitting on the chair by the kitchen counter, probably eating cereal as the box is seated on the counter, along with peculiar sounds coming from the dummy phone i gave him. it sounds like he's playing a game.

walking over to see what he's doing, his screen appears to be a youtube video of someone playing with their... cat.

fortunately, it wasn't the other cat, but a literal cat. he's watching cat videos.

"jeez, and i thought you were sulking." i chuckle at him, and usually, he'd startle by the sudden presence, but it seems that he got used to it.

but, he still shuts the phone as quick as he could. "a-ah, sulking?" he pouted, "i'm not.. not at all." jaehyung lays his head low, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater.

i take the seat beside him and he lifts his head up, "are you sure? you were pretty hyper earlier." i said, and he seemed hesitant.

"i'm fine.." but that was all he sighed out, before he laid his head on the counter, facing the other way. did his energy die out or something?