cabinet

forty-seven.

day 28 with jaehyung
09:37

though it's only nine in the morning, it feels like it's already nine in the morning. i felt greedy for wanting to turn the clock backwards, way before it hits nine, not six, nor three, and not even twelve. i just wanted to stop time, and even if i did have such powers to stop time, i shouldn't.

he has to go home.

it was always hard to accept— everything was hard to accept. the fact that he's leaving, and the fact that i don't want him to leave. i didn't want to act this way, and i'm sure to myself that i only feel this way for the reason that i've grown a huge emotional attachment to him.

so it grew, unhealthily and unintentionally, to a point where i was torn inbetween being completely nonchalant about it and being wary of it. the worst thing that happened? jaehyung being caught up with my own mess.

"i wish you stayed longer." with the back of my hand, i caress his soft cheeks as he slept peacefully. last night, we ended up dozing off on the kitchen counter after crying so much. fortunately i woke up thirty minutes after and i carried the both of us to the room.

i sigh, laying next to him as i stare off to his face. it's the last time i'll ever see him, i might as well just take my time.

like always, he's pretty. i don't think i'm ever going to change my mind about it.

"i wish things were different." i mumble, tucking the loose hair on the back of his ears. it probably bothered him, but it bothered me more, and now that it's gone, i get to see his face clearly.

i scoff at myself, not in amusement, but rather in disgust. until the end, i'm still somewhat selfish.

no matter how much i deny it, i want him to stay. even if it's just a normal day, or days where we would make precious memories for each other, anything is fine as long as he just stays.

would it be different? if we never met in such circumstances, how different would our relationship be? would we be friends with the interests we have?

i don't even know what he likes, or what he used to like. but if things were different, i want to be the one who stays by his side at all times, regardless of our interests.

"it would be nice if you stayed." i chuckle bitterly, sighing once more as i let out the painful weight on my chest. i have to accept it, it's for the best after all.

i didn't notice it, but he was already awake. "i think the same." he replies.

like usual, i was caught by surprise as my eyes widens. i wonder, will i ever get to be surprised like this again? it was only him who could catch me like this, and it was definitely one of the things i love.

"but i have to get better, d-don't i?" his eyes droops, and the look on his face was solemn. "will.. will y-you wait for m..me?"

"will you wait for me?" i shot the question back at him, even if i was aware that he won't understand what i meant. i wasn't hoping for an answer either, but rather, it was a question i wanted to blurt out after spending the entire night just thinking about it.

how long would four years be? maybe enough for him to forget me.

however, without hesitation, he nods willingly. "i don't know why i'm waiting, but i will do it if it's you." he doesn't miss to catch a breath, and it left me smiling.