13 Novella 3

Recovery

You hover in space for the next couple of hours as The Doctor tends to your wounds.

She hisses when you show her your hand, and she does her best to clean and dress it. At one point she goes to roll up your sleeve and you recoil as though burned. She soothes you but you make her do it with your sleeve down.

No way were you giving her more ammunition.

Yaz is mostly fine, with a few bruises from the struggling. Both of you apologise to the others after The Doctor is done with you.

"It's ok babe, I was more scared you were going to hurt yourself." Smiles The Doctor as Jenny nods, looking at you in concern.

"Yeah believe me, you weren't too hard to pin down." Winks Missy and you blush at her suggestive tone.

"What do you understand of what happened?" Asks Jenny drawing your attention, and you think.

"Well it was a feeling, like we were being pulled towards it. A wonderful feeling at that." Says Yaz and you nod.

"Yeah, I felt no pain when I hurt my hand, I just wanted to reach it, what was it?" You ask The Doctor.

"Some kind of advanced Venus fly trap. It's a natural occurrence in nature, but it was a bit too strong for you humans" she grins and you smile.

"It's not fair, we're up against two and a half Time Ladies." You say crossing your arms and they laugh at you.

"Well I'm sorry for the trouble" you say, knowing you keep putting everyone at risk.

"It's ok (Y/n), but I really wish you would stop wandering off." Smiles The Doctor.

"But just in case you do, I always carry rope with me." Smirks Missy and you choke on the water you just took a sip of, making her laugh as you blush furiously.

"Behave, the pair of you" scolds The Doctor, mouth twitching and you realise the only person not laughing is Jenny.

She turns to leave and you feel suddenly guilty. You really scared her earlier from the way she called out to you.

You jump off the bed and follow her out, jogging to catch up.

"I'm sorry Jenny, I shouldn't have scared you like that today, and you know what Missy's like, always inappropriate" you laugh and she stops, turning to smile at you.

"It's ok (Y/n), maybe we just weren't meant to be. She makes you happy. I can see that now." She sighs and you feel like you've been punched in the chest.

"What- Jenny no!" You gabble as she shrugs and walks away.

"JENNY!" You scream and she stops.

"I thought we could have had something (Y/n). But it's never going to be me you choose. You deserve someone that make you happy, and that's not me."

"Please Jenny, you do make me happy! You changed for me, I changed so much more for you. This can't be it!?" You say, tears flowing down your cheeks as you stand alone in the middle of the corridor. You couldn't believe this was happening, it was all so sudden.

"I'm sorry (Y/n)" she says with tired and heavy eyes. "I can't keep doing this. When you can tell me it's me, and only me you want, maybe I could." She gazes imploringly at you and you open your mouth, willing the night words out.

But they refuse to come.

"That's what I thought" she says softly, and turns, gone from your view within seconds. You drop to your knees and cry, breath hitching as you hold yourself together.

You whine like a wounded animal but she doesn't come back. Wiping your face roughly you make a realisation you should have made a long time ago.

This was how it was always went.

Everyone you touched you hurt.

Your mother and Abigail proved that. If you went after her now, you would only hurt her more.

Because what she said was true. You still weren't ready to admit it, but there was someone else whom you couldn't forget, who also made your heart flutter.

And you hated it.

Sniffling, you drag yourself to the floor and take the first corridor, searching for your room. You end up in the console room and turn to leave. You end up back on the deck. Scowling, you try again, only for her to bring you right back to the console room again.

"I know what you're doing, cut it out!" You growl, wiping away more tears of frustration.

"(Y/n)? Where's Jenny?" Says The Doctor appearing from the right.

You turn and her face drops as she takes in your tearstained one.

"Sulking is she?" And Missy arriving behind her, and suddenly you feel rage course through your veins like never before. This woman, with her cool stance and ethereal ease was the reason Jenny was hurt.

You knew deep down it was all your own fault really, but it helped to throw some anger on to someone else in an effort to relieve the guilt.

"Don't" you whisper haltingly, voice shaking. "Don't you fucking say that" you growl and her expression widens.

"Or what my love?" She asks mockingly and you scream in anger, feeling it envelop you.

"This, this is your fault- THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" you scream, throat scratching. She looks confused but certainly not scared.

You want her to be scared.

"Calm down (Y/n), tell us what happened." Says The Doctor in alarm with a hand outstretched to you.

"A little dramatic dear" winks Missy and that does it.

You look her in the eye and focus all the pain and anger you are feeling into images of agony, then throw them at her with all your strength, watching as she falls to her knees with her hands over her head.

A strange sense of power overcomes you as you squeeze your eyes shut and throw the pictures at her.

You stare her down and she begins to scream, as does The Doctor, but in fear.

"What's happening? Missy what's wrong!" She yells, falling to her side and placing an arm round her.

"Stop it! Make it stop!" Missy screams, looking up at you with agony in her brown eyes. The same agony you have felt for years, mixed with grief and anger and sorrow.

You feel a sharp slap of reality and know you are torturing her.

Anxiety clouds you as you try to retract the images of your own pain that you have inflicted on her.

"I don't know how! Doctor I don't know how to stop it!" You yell, clawing at your hair as your mind throbs.

Making the connection, she leaves Missy and is at your side in an instant.

She doesn't hesitate before she puts her fingers to your temples and you drop into her arms, connection broken and completely unconscious.