13 Novella 3

Two

Several hours later you leave the medbay to find
Missy and Jenny.

You don't know where to look so decide to start at the console room.

Along the way The Tardis takes up thrums of encouragement which you to try to listen to, whilst thinking you've no idea what you're going to say when you do eventually see them.

At first you think it's empty, but then you notice Missy sat with her legs dangling out The Tardis doors with a hunched back. Suddenly she looks very small, not at all the powerful Time Lady you had grown to rely on.

"Missy?" You say tentatively and she looks back to you with a weak smile.

"You look better" she says as you sit down next to her, careful to avoid contact still. Touching her leg lightly with yours however, you see her mind is only full of you. She would never hurt you.

"I'm fine, but I don't think you are," You say seriously.

"I'm alright my love, it was just hard seeing you today, having to leave you there for her to- " she stops and takes a deep breath.

"I just want you to promise never to scare me like that again. The way you regard your life. I don't think you're suicidal, but you're not careful with it, and you need to be. It is so, so precious" she says, looking out into space.

"I'll try" you say and she smiles weakly, looking back into the galaxy.

"I heard you and Jenny. What did she mean when she said you'd done things?" You ask quietly.

Her lonely smile falters.

"You don't really know me (Y/n)." She says after a moment of silence. She looks at you and seems to decide something on the spot.

"I was always the bad guy. I spent all my life causing havoc and destruction- and I loved it. I would burn planets for my entertainment, or to watch the pretty shapes the smoke made. The Doctor -their last face- offered me their hand in forgiveness. I failed, but I'm trying." She sighs. "And then I met you." She says with surprising bitterness. "And I couldn't try anymore. It wasn't a matter of effort, I had to do this. I had to keep you safe, because I couldn't bear the alternative." She looks at finally and you see fire burning behind her eyes. "It would have been so easy, to turn back, to betray The Doctor, but I couldn't leave you behind. I couldn't show you who I really was. I am a coward." She says, closing her eyes slowly.

"You are many things Missy. But you are not a coward." You say with feeling. "You tried, and for that I am grateful, because if you had turned away, I never would have met you." You say with a smile. Until it fades. "But it's not that easy." You say, looking away.

"Jenny" she nods. You don't need to answer.

"I'm sorry I have to see if she's ok" you explain and she smiles.

"Of course" she says and you turn to leave. Only someone is stood right behind you.

"Oh" you say, bumping right into Jenny.

"Sorry I was coming to look for you, are you ok?" She asks, peering round you at Missy.

"Yes it's fine, I need to talk to you." You say and she nods.

"I was just leaving" mumbles Missy and she stands and exits. You reclaim your space, and Jenny settles beside you.

"You don't half give me anxiety." She smiles and you nod guiltily.

"Yeah sorry about that, I do try to be careful, trouble just seems to find me." You say and she chuckles.

"(Y/n)?" She says, suddenly serious, and you look at her expectantly.

"I think you should choose Missy." She says, uttering the last words you would ever expect her to say.

Immediately you panic.

"Listen to me" She says, watching you face. "There are certain things she can give you, that I never could" she says with a weak smile and you look down.

"Like what?" You respond in a high pitched voice. You swallow.

She raises her eyebrows as though trying to convey something obvious, but you remain perplexed.

"(Y/n) I'm ace" she says, and you absorb this.

"Oh" you say then think. "Well, that really doesn't matter to me." You respond. "There's much more to a relationship than just physical attraction." You say and she sighs.

"I couldn't give you everything you deserved, not just this, she could keep you so much safer." Says Jenny, fluffy brown hair falling over her face.

You push it back and she relaxes temporarily before straightening.

"(Y/n), I really like you. And that's never going to change. But it's just not going to work." She says with passion, looking you in the eyes. "I'm sorry" she says and gets to her feet.

She is gone within seconds, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You begin to cry quietly at the injustice of it all.

It seemed to be all you've done in the last couple of days was cry and feel sorry for yourself.

Neither of them thought themselves good enough for you, yet you were the selfish one, the one who harms herself to relieve her pain, who let her sister die, who cheats and betrays and lies and allows others to take advantage of her.

You hear Missy's footsteps, far away until she is here, pulling you into her side where you relax and sob into her shoulder. She doesn't say anything, only holds you tightly and allows you to grieve the loss of Jenny.

"I'm going to keep you safe (Y/n)" she says after a while and you hiccough quietly. "I will." She says. "You may not want it, but I can't lose you now, and you need to know. You're too pure, and too good." She says and you descend back into silence.

You watch the universe beneath you swirl and glow.