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Chapter 42

* C H A R L O T T E*

I shiver but I'm not able to speak or make a sound. Inside my head there is a debate going on: do I let this go any further? Or do I stop him? My aching body tries to win the fight over my head. My hands desperately want to touch him. My lips are dying to kiss him. My heart is longing for him. But my head screams this is a bad idea. We have tried this twice before.

Hero seems to make the choice for me. Slowly he turns me around so I face him. I'm still frozen and on fire all at once. It seems like I have forgotten how to move or speak. I just stand there looking at him. His eyes are wide and that's the only sign that he's not as calm as he appears to be. My breathing is shallow and fast and my heartrate is all over the place. Hero seems calm. Deadly calm.

He gives me my favorite boyish, sexy grin and I immediately melt into a puddle.

"Goodnight beautiful," he whispers and he bows his head to kiss me. The debate is still going on and I'm unable to make a choice. Do I kiss him? I'm pretty sure I'm not strong enough to turn away at this point.

Very carefully his soft lips touch mine and then he backs away. He smiles again and walks to his bed, whistling.

I'm still there, frozen. I'm shocked. My lips are tingling and all I want to do is follow him to his bed and jump on top of him. Hero jumps in bed and folds his arms under his head. He's looking at me. He knows perfectly well what he just did to me and that infuriates me for some reason. Well, if he's going to make this difficult, so can I. Very slowly I walk over to him and his eyes widen. Now his calm appearance is gone. His chest is moving fast and his lips open a bit. I don't say a word, I just walk over to him. I bow a little and let my finger touch his cheek. It's a very soft and light touch. Very slowly I let my finger slide down. I follow the line of his jaw and his throat. I go even further down and when I reach his chest I can feel his heart beating hard and fast. The skin is smooth under my finger and goosebumps appear where I touch him. He holds his breath as I touch his chest and keep going. He swallows hard as my finger reaches his stomach. I trace his abs very slowly. Finally I reach his boxers. I stop. I place my hand on his lower stomach and bend down a bit to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Goodnight, Hero," I whisper and I turn around to walk back to my side of the room.

It's a good thing it's dark because my face is hot and red. I can't believe I just did that! I try to breath slow and calm and walk confident. I hear a sigh escape his lips. Oops, maybe that was too hard for poor Hero! It makes me smile. It's a dangerous game we're playing.

In bed I bury myself deep under the duvet and take a few deep but quiet breaths. That was fun! I can't seem to fall asleep though. I am too excited and Hero's presence seems to fill the room. There is no denying he's here. In the dark. I was right: the electric vibes are stronger now. Suddenly I am wide awake and not the least bit tired. A million thoughts cross my mind and every single one is about Hero. I wonder what he's thinking about all this. I can tell by the way he's breathing that he's awake as well. He was right about one thing: being friends is hard when there is so much attraction. I have no idea how to fall asleep now.

The next morning the vibration of my phone wakes me. I'm disoriented for a wile but then it dawns on me. I take a little peak from under the duvet and see that Hero is still sound asleep. I think about last night and I'm wide awake all of a sudden. How the hell did we manage to fall asleep? Maybe we're both stronger than we realized. I didn't sleep well though. My dreams were all about Hero and all the things we could do in this tiny room. I was restless. I look at Hero and he looks so young and cute when he's sleeping. He looks very peaceful. I've always loved watching him sleep. I shake my head. No, no, we're not going there! Without making any sound I take a hoodie to put on over my pajamas and I walk to the kitchen. Hero moans in his sleep and I hold my breath. Why do I feel like I'm doing the walk of shame?! Hero turns around in his sleep but doesn't wake up. Good, I didn't want to wake him! I need a minute!

In the kitchen Lizzie is making tea.

"Oh, I didn't wake you did I?" she asks.

"No, I didn't even realize you were up already!"

"The twins woke me up, they're very active this morning. Do you want to feel them?"

I nod enthusiastically and put my hands on her belly. Inside I feel my godchildren move around, probably poking each other. This truly is a miracle and this feeling never gets old.

"God, I love this!" I say.

"Well, you can carry them for a sec, it's not that fun when it's happening inside your belly!" Lizzie laughs.

"Yeah, I bet!"

"Coffee?"

"Sure!"

Lizzie makes me a cup of coffee and takes a sip of her tea.

"How did you sleep?"

"Uhm... not great. It was... interesting."

"I bet!" she gives me a naughty grin.

"Oh! Not like that, it's just really hard to fall asleep when someone like that is across the room."

Lizzie giggles and walks over to the table to sit down. Uh oh, she probably wants to talk about the wedding. Do I tell her?!