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Chapter 13

*H E R O*

I hear a woman's voice say something in Dutch, then French. I curse myself for not speaking any of those languages better. I could understand the French line though but I'm hoping I heard wrong. Finally, the voice says the line in English.

"The number you have dialed is not in use."

In that instant my world shatters around me. I can actually feel myself break. The pain is physical and real. I start breathing too fast and I know I'm having a panic attack. I sit down with my head between my knees. The grass is a little damp but I hardly feel it. I hardly feel a thing. I'm numb. I need to calm down and think. Then I have a thought: maybe I just dialed the wrong number? I just tried her Belgian one! I should just try her English one! My heart is racing when I scroll through my phone to get the right number. The anticipation of hearing her voice is too much. I can't wait to hear her voice. I need to hear her voice! It will be the only thing that can help me right now. I need to be sure that she's all right. I need to know that I will get a chance to explain. I find the number and call it. I can almost smile because I know she will pick up and everything will be okay.

"The number you have dialed is not in use."

And then it dawns on me. She has changed her phone number and I don't have the new one. She has moved on and cut off everything that ties her to her past. I know I'm right. I tried to look her up on social media one day but I couldn't find her either. She just deleted all of her accounts. There is no trace of her. It's like she doesn't even exist. I realize that there is no way for me to contact her now! I start panicking again. Damn it! How can this be happening? I feel the anger inside me building up. This is so unfair! How can I still feel this bad and how can she move on just like that? An inner voice reminds me that it's my fault. I did this to myself, I shouldn't blame her. Then I remember the photo in the magazine. She looked so fragile and so sad. Maybe she didn't move on. Maybe she just needs time to heal. In that instant I feel like such an asshole for treating her like that. I did this to her. I'm the reason she looked so broken for the whole world to see. Fucking Melany! My anger is back. It's raging through my veins.

"Calm down," I tell myself out loud. "Calm down and think."

I take a rock and throw it hard and far. Then I take a second one. It takes the edge off a bit.

Once the anger fades I start pacing back and forth. I need to fix this. But how?

Lizzie! That's it! Lizzie must know where she is. Of course! Why didn't I realize this sooner? Without thinking about the time difference I call Lizzie. She doesn't pick up right away so I just try again. And again. Finally, at the third try, she picks up.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice says after the fifth ring.

"Lizzie.. it's Hero. I made a terrible, horrible mistake." I choke up.

Lizzie is awake immediately. Her voice sounds alarmed.

"Hero? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Lizzie, I was so stupid." And finally the tears come.

I can't go any further. I can't tell any more. The tears keep coming and I can't stop them. It just hit me how stupid I was. I feel so ashamed now.

It takes Lizzie a while to calm me down enough to tell her what happened. I tell her the whole story and I leave nothing out. I want her to be mad at me. I want her to punish me because nothing anyone can do or say will make me feel worse than I already feel.

"Lizzie, it was all a lie. Scott is the father of Melany's baby. She just played me because she knew I would never turn my back on my friends."

Lizzie gasps for air. She's just as shocked as I am.

"I made a mistake. I should have listened to Charlotte. I need to explain and apologize. I tried calling her but she has changed her number. Both of them. Do you know what her number is? Do you know where she is? I'm going to take a plane tonight. I need to see her!" I know I'm ranting but I can't wait any longer. I need to contact her. Now!

Lizzie is quiet. She's not mad, she doesn't blame me. She's just... quiet.

For the second time in half an hour I know something is wrong.

"Lizzie?" My voice trembles and breaks. "Lizzie, what's wrong?"

"Hero, I'm so sorry..." Lizzie says. "I don't know where Charlotte is."