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Chapter 7

*H E R O*

"It's really over this time, isn't it?" My voice sounds strange.

"I think so," Lizzie says. She takes my hand again.

"You know, maybe you can be friends some time. In a couple of months our babies will arrive and maybe that's enough time to cool off a bit. Maybe you'll be able to talk and get some closure. But for now, I really believe that you need to respect Charlotte's wishes. You need to leave her alone. If she would have wanted you to contact her, she would have told you that she was leaving," Jack adds.

That sounds wise. He might be right.

"It's hard to hear and really hard to realize that it's over but you're right. I guess she was right too, we couldn't keep going on like this." I finish my beer with a large sip.

"Good lad," Jack says and he orders another round.

We have some more beers (God knows I can use them!) and we decide to go to dinner. Jack and Lizzie will be leaving tomorrow afternoon and I won't see them for a while. They will finish their trip and go back to Cardiff. I have another project coming up so I will be leaving for Vancouver soon. Also, I suspect they don't want to leave me alone. It's good though. I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid of what I might feel or think. So for now I'm grateful that Jack and Lizzie keep me busy. I know the pain will come eventually.

"So, are you ready to go back home and have these babies?" I tease.

"We still have plenty of time to prepare," Lizzie says, her eyes rolling.

Back in my room I take a bottle of beer out of the fridge and take a seat on the balcony. Staring at the stars I think about Charlotte. Where would she be? Jack and Lizzie still hadn't received a text when I left them just now and I could tell that they were starting to worry. I feel bad for Charlotte that she didn't have a place to go to. I had no idea she didn't consider Belgium as home anymore. There are plenty of place where she could have gone to though. Belgium, Cardiff. I hope she is okay. It's really difficult and strange not to know where she is. The world seems like a very big, scary place now. She literally could be anywhere. Tears sting in my eyes and I swallow hard. The realization that this time it's really over hits me hard. It's an actual physical pain. Now I know that I always counted on us to get back together. I never expected that she would actually leave. Maybe she was the stronger one, maybe someone needed to do this and maybe I was just weak because I couldn't. The thought of cutting her off completely just always hurt too much. It was never a thought that crossed my mind. But apparently, it crossed hers and she could leave me. Tears are running down my face now.

Jack and Lizzie are right. I need to start living my life. But how do I do this without any closure? How do I move on without a goodbye? When we had the fight I would never have imagined that it would be our last. That it would be the last time I saw her. I still can remember the last time we kissed, the last time I touched her. The smell of her hair, the softness of her lips. The way she used to giggle when I tickled her. Will those memories ever fade? Will they ever hurt less? I doubt it. I really doubt it.

The next morning I wake up early. I didn't get a lot of sleep (again!) and I also want to talk to Brody and Isabella before we start shooting. I want them to know that I never expected this to happen. That I never wanted this. I look in the mirror and my eyes are still swollen from the tears. But it was good. I needed to cry and let it all out. I'm ready to start living my life. My own life again. I'm ready to discover who I am without Charlotte around. I hope she can do the same. I hope she can find some peace and her own place in the world, wherever it might be. I decided I won't ask Jack or Lizzie. It won't help me if I know. It will be better if I don't. I take a hot shower and get dressed. I put on a hoodie so people won't see my face very well. Before entering the make-up trailer I take a few deep breaths and I brace myself for the difficult conversation ahead.

Okay. Here we go.

"Hi Brodes, Bella," I say when I enter.

They turn around and they just give me a nod. I sigh. Come on guys, give me a fucking break!

"What happened to your face?" Isabella askes with one eyebrow popped up.

"Eh," I don't know what to say for a second. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

"About?" Brody asks.

"Charlotte."

They exchange looks and then stare at me.

"Start talking," Brody says and he crosses his arms over his chest.

"You need to believe me that I never wanted this or even expected this. In fact, I always assumed that we would end up back together eventually. When I was in here yesterday I didn't even know that she left!"

They keep looking at me without saying a word. Tough crowd.

"Look, I love Charlotte, I always have and I probably always will. My face looks like this because I cried all night. Jack and Lizzie talked to me last night. They told me why she left and they told me to leave her alone. We both need to recover from this and we're both heartbroken. But they're right, we're just not a perfect fit."

"You really didn't know that she was gone?" Isabella whispers.

"No.. I didn't. She didn't tell me. The last time I saw her was when we had our fight."

"I would have expected her to have texted you by now," Brody says.

"Nope, not a word."

"You were a total dick, you know that right?" he says.

"Yep, I realize that. But Charlotte is gone now and we're still here. Can we please be civil?" I practically beg which is ridiculous.

"Did you really cry all night?" Isabella asks. Finally, I can hear some compassion in her voice.

"Yes I did."