Home

Chapter 51

*H E R O*

Charlotte is walking ahead. I know I hurt her feelings with my reaction. Stupid call.. I really thought I'd handled that, that I was done with it. But when we least expect it, the past has a way of interfering I assume. When I look at Charlotte I curse. Why am I being stupid? The call could potentially destroy what we have because I'm very aware of the fact that our relationship is fragile. Even though Charlotte is starting to let me in again, we're not in a good place at the moment. She doesn't trust me yet and trust is exactly what I need after the call. We need to stand strong before she learns the poisonous news the caller just told me. Maybe that way we can survive. But if I want this to work then I'm being dumb. I should gain her trust and love again, not push her away. I'm afraid I already damaged our fragile bond too much today. I could feel Charlotte open up to the idea of the next step between us but maybe my actions today made her put her walls up again. I pause and look over the Pembrokeshire Coast. What to do?

Is it fair of me to push Charlotte because I'm afraid of losing her again? Wouldn't walk away be the right thing to do? The better thing to do? Because whatever we may be, lovers or friends, she will not take the news well. Maybe it's better to just leave before this can harm her.

But I can't. I am not strong enough and I just want to be with her. I know I'm being selfish right now but I can't walk away. Maybe this is my last chance to be with her. Ever. I will let Charlotte decide. I won't push her. I'll just apologize. I start walking again. Charlotte has reached the end of the cliff and stares over the sea. Oh what I would give just to know what she's thinking.

I stop walking and look at her from a distance. I see the exact moment she realizes I'm there. She turns around.

She doesn't break the silence but just stares at me. I stare back and I try to be strong. I can't force this. I need to let her decide. I can't tell what she's thinking. Is she considering walking away? Has she made her decision yet?

She turns back around and stares at the water again. I take a deep breath and walk over to her. I do need to apologize.

"I owe you an apology," I say.

"Where are Lizzie and Jack?" She replies. She's totally ignoring my apology.

"They're behind. Lizzie can't walk fast and this trail is tricky so they're taking their time."

She doesn't reply to this.

"I'm sorry," I say again.

This time she turns around and looks at me. She doesn't speak.

"I shouldn't have reacted the way I have after the call."

"No."

She keeps waiting for me to continue and she just keeps staring at me. She is not going to make this easy! That's my girl. My face softens. I need to explain.

"I just got some bad news. Something I was hoping to avoid." I know I should elaborate further but I'm a massive coward. I just need to let her know how I feel first.

"And now?"

Moment of truth! Here we go!

"Now nothing. I'm really sorry. I meant what I said earlier. It means a lot to me that you have given me the opportunity to be friends with you. I have really missed you and I want you in my life. Even if all you want to be is just friends."

Oh boy, I do hate confessions like this! Why isn't she making this easier?! I've been trying so hard for ages now!

"What happened to 'we can't be just friends'?" She asks. Her voice is trembling a bit.

I look up. That's a good sign! My words affect her in a way I never thought possible.

"Ah," I sigh. I'm trying to keep my voice steady, to hide my excitement. "Well, it is very hard to keep my hands off you and it will be very hard if you say you never want to be with me again but I'd rather have you in my life as just a friend than not at all. That's the one thing I know for sure now. I never want to be out of your life again."

I see her blush and my heart starts pounding. This is it. Moment of truth.

"It's hard to keep your hands off me?" Her voice is a mere whisper.

"Yes!" I say. "But as I promised, I won't touch you again unless you ask me. I'm a good boy," I try to lighten the mood a bit. The air is too thick around me. It's making it hard to breathe properly.

"So what if I ask you?" She sounds out of breath.

I know that sound too well. She wants me! My body reacts immediately and my heart takes a jump. My eyes widen but before I can reply Lizzie and Jack join us at the end of the world. A smile comes across my face. This was a good step in the right direction! Maybe things will work out after all.