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Chapter 43

*C H A R L O T T E*

There is a silence between us and I'm not going to break it.

"So," Lizzie says after a while and she has a serious look on her face.

"So.." I repeat.

"Are you going to tell me what happened when you disappeared at my wedding?"

I bite my lower lip. How can I explain this to her when I don't even understand it myself? My feelings are all over the place.

"Well," I sigh. "I don't know what happened... I guess it was everything all at once. It's just... when I saw Hero again after all these months something snapped. I couldn't control myself anymore. I just wanted to be with him one last time... so I kind of dragged him to the bathroom and.. you know."

Lizzie's mouth dropped somewhere in the midst of my explanation and she's staring at me.

"You mean you had sex?!"

She clearly didn't expect this.

"Shhh!"

I look at the door but the boys are still sound asleep.

"Charlotte!"

"I know," I sigh again.

"Do you think it will happen again?"

"No."

Lizzie gives me a skeptical look.

"Why are you fighting this?" she asks.

Good question. And an understandable one.

"Because I don't want to get hurt again, Lizzie. Hero and I went through so much, it was never easy. He hurt me multiple times and he didn't learn from the mistakes we made. I did. I learned that we don't belong together because all we do is hurt each other. I could get over it once, I was even able to get over it a couple of months ago. When I went to talk to Hero the night I left I was willing to forget about everything just to be with him but Hero hurt me again. So this time I know I won't be able to get over it. I felt so hurt and lost. I didn't know where I belonged, who I was. I had to find myself again and to figure out my place in this world. I realized that my world had evolved around Hero and I had no idea what to do without him."

I take a sip of coffee after that. I have never told this to anyone but it's a relief to finally talk about this. Maybe talking will help me understand.

"Wow," Lizzie whispers. "I didn't know you felt like that. Why didn't you come to me?"

"I guess I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. I only figured it out in Madeira."

"But still, having sex with him was a bit cruel. You probably got is hopes up..."

"I know... I talked to him though. You know what, Liz, Hero is like a drug to me. Whenever he's near the air vibrates. I feel the need to touch him and to be with him. That scares me," I admit. "I'm an addict and I simply need to find a way to not be addicted to him."

"Char, I-"

Jack's entrance in the kitchen interrupts Lizzie. I glance at her to shut her up. I don't want the boys to hear this conversation.

"Good morning ladies," Jack says and he walks over to Lizzie to give her a sweet kiss.

I look at them and listen to their morning banter. I wish I could have that. A simple, full and sweet love. Not a toxic one.

"I bet Hero is still in bed," Jack laughs.

"Of course he is," I answer.

"I was hoping we could check out that new breakfast bar in the Hayes," Jack says and he looks at Hero's bedroom door. "Oh, I'm just going to wake him!"

Jack walks to the door and we follow him. Before he opens the door, he changes his minds and walks to the bathroom. Lizzie and I exchange a puzzled look. Jack comes out with a wet washcloth and he walks back to the bedroom. In front of the door he turns around and presses his finger against his lips. Lizzie and I are having a hard time to stay silent. It's too funny! Jack walks in silently, we follow. He throws the wet washcloth in Hero's face. A giggle escapes my lips and Hero jumps up screaming. All three of us laugh out loud now. Hero's puzzled look is priceless. He's disorientated for a second.

"JACK!" he screams. "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Good morning sunshine," Jack laughs. "We want to go out for breakfast."

Hero lets himself fall back in bed again and another swear escapes his lips.

"Okay I guess Hero isn't that hungry," Jack says to us. "Let's get dressed and go without him." Lizzie giggles. Jack knows perfectly well that Hero is always hungry and loves food.

"Wait!" Hero screams and he jumps out of bed immediately.

"Seen I knew he could do it," Jack laughs again.

This time Hero throws a pillow at his head but misses because Jack quickly leaves the room.

I wait in the kitchen with another cup of coffee while Jack and Lizzie are in the bathroom getting dressed. Hero takes his time. Because of his brutal awakening he has trouble getting out of bed. I don't mind. Suddenly I'm very nervous to be alone with him after last night. By the time he's finally getting out of bed, Jack and Lizzie are done and it's my time to use the bathroom. I hurry to our room and gather my things. A pink wool sweater, ripped jeans and my trustworthy Chuck Taylor's will be my outfit for today. I jump in the shower and hurry up. I don't' want to use all the hot water so my shower is short. I take my time to get dressed and brush my teeth. I put on some mascara and look at myself in the mirror. I know it's a simple look but it makes me feel comfortable. I walk back to the kitchen and ask Lizzie if I could use her hair dryer so I can dry my hair in my room while Hero is taking a shower.

My hair is nearly dry when Hero walks in my room only wearing boxers. My cheeks are flushed immediately and I can't help but scan his body with my eyes. I bite my lower lip.

"Sorry," he says in a low voice. "I forgot my clothes."

He gives me a naughty grin.