💞Diary of a Genderqueer💞

I'M SCARED

🅈🄾🅄🅁 🄽🄴🅆 🄱🄾🅈🄵🅁🄸🄴🄽🄳

🅆🄸🄻🄱🅄🅁 🅂🄾🄾🅃

𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕓𝕖𝕕, 𝕀'𝕞 𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕋𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕥
𝕀'𝕧𝕖 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕖𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕒 𝕕𝕠𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕥
𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝 𝕤𝕜𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕤
𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕕𝕠𝕖𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕡𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕤
𝔸𝕟𝕪𝕨𝕒𝕪, 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕚𝕞
'ℂ𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕪 𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕔𝕜, 𝕠𝕙-𝕠𝕙
𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕'𝕤 𝕒𝕟 𝕒𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖
(𝕎𝕠𝕠)

I just simply don't have time for an introduction.

You know who I am, I don't want to be here.

Want to know the time? 9:33 on a Thursday morning, h e l p m e.

I should probably explain? Yeah probably. In health class which is like gym but without the running around and shit. Well today they broke the imaginary contract and safety of the health class and was like "yeah so we runnin today." slight problem, I'm wearing this thing called a binder and if I exercise in it too much, my lung muscles could be in dAnGeR.

Which means, by simply standing, my heart rate was 124 bpm, which, yk, that's probably not normal. Anxiety tics said hello! and my hands were shaking so violently I could barely hold onto myself as it was.

Thank god my gym teacher was a saint sent by the trans gods themselves and he said I could sit out the running and hard core exercising parts, and I did lmao.

Then I had an argument with Tommy and some of my other friends like Red and we'll call her Manga (she's obsessed with anime, but she's also friends with Piss Baby, yuckyyyy) about if I was smart or not. I find myself average, sure academically I'm a bit excelled but it doesn't matter, it's not like I'm smarter than most people. Let me make it clear, my vocabulary is not that advanced because I used the word conspicuous?

Anyways, as I promised, I'm going to do a Piss Baby rant.

Mister Piss Baby is just, u g h he's on my last nerves. I just wish he would get up and get the fuck out of my life, I hate him with a passion, and I don't hate people easily.

See, as someone with trust issues, like, major trust issues, betraying me or my privacy makes me ill, and I can terminate people from my brain. It's like, ctrl a, delete. Everything that made you a person in my life is just gone.

I have boundaries, everyone has boundaries, this person broke them to the point I felt absolutely shattered. I didn't have energy left to say stop, I just sat there.

Smiles became fake, and my loathing burned brighter, caged inside the walls of my own anxiety and guilt. I had created this situation for myself, I had to endure it, right?

And that is the first serious topic I will bring up, no, no you do not. You owe no one, anything at all. Not your help, not your sanity, and certainly not your time and attention. No one has or should have control over you and your decisions. You shouldn't have to feel responsible for them.

Piss Baby is a cruel, attention seeking, boundary breaking, manipulator. Gas lighting and attention seeking is his tongue, his language. The most unfortunate part of the whole equation is that a lot of people you will meet are going to be a Piss Baby, and for that, my deepest regards and apologies goes to you.

My final warning to conclude this massive depression storm that seems to suck and deprive happiness to the thinker and speaker, and or reader of such topic is, don't be a Piss Baby, take time to evaluate the situation you put others in, and work on your own personal habits, before pushing your issues and demands onto others.

I wish you, a good day to Dino's unnecessarily fancy vocabulary, that almost felt like an essay.

The time is 1:51 on a Thursday afternoon, soon I will be going to orchestra and nail playing the cello as I usually do. I probably will hop on discord and talk to Tommy a bit, take a shower, write some more of my story, or just question my life and how much I hate math tests.

Yeah math tests, easy thing to despise right? I hate them in every way shape or form. They put so much pressure on me it isn't fair TwT, I feel like doing a quiz or something of a lesser calliber would be fine, but n o p e.

Oh well, least I get to talk to Batman on the way home, that'll lift my mood :)

With that, I think I'll head out, and talk to you guys later.

See you on the flip side.

~Dino 🏳️‍🌈