💞Diary of a Genderqueer💞

FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A LESBIAN

Tuesday, February 23 9:11 am

Haha, 911.

That's not funny anyways-

Hey its Finnie. Today is giving me good and horrible vibes.

Like I said in the last part, I returned to hell yesterday. Some parts of it were okay, and others made me want to pull my hair out.

I started my day with Mother throwing a temper tantrum at me, so that was fun. She was yelling at me to quote on quote "wear the clothes I bought you." Which to me is just,, strange?

I wear the clothes she buys me all the time. So that pissed me off.

So I enter hell quite pissy, as I've said before. And Red, Manga, Mum and Tommy make me feel a lot better! And i was sitting down all happy.

Then a dumbass decided to talk to me. We'll call himmmm Man. Because he is filled with toxic masculinity.

Man was bringing up idle conversation with me- which I hate so much.

We were talking about stuff and I made a joke about myself being gay, because you know, I am. And he was like "technically you're les." As in a lesbian, and I hate that abbreviation. Like what's wrong? Are you afraid to use the word lesbian?? Its just a word- and I happen to love lesbians thanks. If you're a lesbian, you're cool I like you.

But anyways I was like "I cant be a lesbian. I'm not a girl." And i shit you not this bitch goes "well,, no offense,, but you look like a girl."

BITCH WHAT

I WAS WEARING A GREY HOODIE AND DARK JEANS- WHAT THE FUCK.

I was very pissed off and went off on Man who was making petty excuses- AND THEN CONTINUED THE CONVERSATION. I was absolutely done with him so I was mostly just looking at pinterest and ignoring him.

But when he asked about jobs I simply pitched in, I want to be a therapist. Which I do, I do want to be a therapist because this world needs them.

Correction, gen z and alpha will need them once our childhoods are over.

But he comes back with "you wanna be a therapist for your own depression?" I-

BITCH YOU WANNA BE AN ENGINEER  (not saying theres anything wrong with that if that's what you wanna do)  YOU HAVE NO SAY IN ANYONE ELSE'S JOB ASPIRATIONS.

I was so done at this point thank god the gym teachers said it was time for warm ups. I needed to get away from this absolute bitch.

So we do warm ups, get into our teams, the one I'm on had Tommy, Clap, and Man unfortunately on it.

But you know what- I SERVED THAT BALL and I served it well. I think 99% of my serves got us points every time. I'm very proud of myself.

The reason why I remembered to hit it with my wrist not my hand? My fist was shaking so bad I couldnt if I wanted to.

So that was fun, we won against Mums team and that brought me joy for some reason.

I then went to social studies and absolutely nothing happened. Like, at all. Except for my partner saying they wanted to kill Man, and me saying no. And then they looked him up in our school system-

That's Sheepy for you TwT very quick to defense. Its great but they're also so fuckin stubborn.

Speaking of them, and deviating from my day yesterday, they get the keys to their new house today,, yay,,,

I'm gonna miss being so close to them, a lot. It was nice to know they were only a ten minute walk away, less on a bike or a skateboard.

We'll still get to see each other though, that's guaranteed pretty sure. Its just gonna be a little sad I presume. It's okay though,, I'll be fine! (Tommy, Mum hmu please-)

After social studies was math, nothing exciting happened we just learned a new math thing and played jeopardy, my team lost pretty hard TwT it's fine its school math.

But- at the beginning of math Sheepy surprised me-

According to them they were walking Piss Baby (cause one of their friends likes him for some reason) to class, and Piss Baby happens to be in my math class TwT and Sheepy just decided to throw in the detail that they had a boyfriend (me 🤠) and they wanted to see me.

So I was ranting to Manga about how Oikawa is a loved and hated character in my mind. And I turn around and they're just- standing in the door way.

Now this is surprising for two reasons 1) they're a grade older than me (dw they're only a month older than me irl) and 2) HOW TF DO THEY KNOW WHERE MY MATH CLASS IS (I didnt know they were following Piss Baby.)

So I see them and their friends and all i can manage to do is wave and laugh. And their friends seemed really excited for some reason- I mean it's just me lmao.

Uh then I went to lunch and talked to Tommy- she made a picture of me and her gecko Noodle as her lock screen (Tommy you have too many pictures of me I can't-) and I screamed about it.

I think Tommy is very pretty. She has a nice steady voice and is very funny. The clothes she picks suit her and overall her aesthetic is very nice. I'm lucky to have her as a friend. And yes I know shes reading this.

To conclude my day (and this chapter) I went to orchestra, and detail, I play the cello, if I havent said that before. It's pretty cool! But anyways, I look in my backpack and see I fucking forgot my orchestra binder TwT

Not good.

It has everything we'll be playing in their so I'm panicking, random note. My anxiety stims had been going off all day so this totally didnt help-

So we play the warm up, least I have that memorized. And then we get to our sheet music and I'm fucked.

We play our first song, Burst. And I sucked ass playing it I stg TwT

Then we get to our second song, which I know pretty well, but am a bit worried about the timing of said song.

For context, I sit next to a guy I have a tiny crush on. We'll call him Ghost since I only see him in gym and orchestra.

I lean down to check the time and when I pop back up to play HE HAD TURNED HIS MUSIC STAND SO I COULD READ THE SHEET MUSIC I CANT IT WAS SO SWEET.

over the course of class he turned it just a little more every time we played, and when she gave us a note for the tremulo on the second to last measure. (Orchestra lingo) he says "Can you remember that?" Cause he was gonna mark it down if I didnt I CANT Y'ALL I-

So that was my day! I got home I dont remember doing much besides writing a song.

But this is long enough already.

See ya on the flip side!

~Finnie 🐸🍄🌿