13 walking to 19

DISCOVERING RELIGION

One day, I found myself sitting on a mat with a book in my hands, pouring out everything I could think of. That book was considered holy, highly respected, and prayed with most of the time. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks as my mouth opened and closed. My voice trembled more and more with each word I spoke. I felt the awkward heat emanating from various parts of my body, and my heart raced as if I were on the verge of a stroke.That was the moment I discovered religion, the time when I began to understand my father's words about 'God,' and the opportunity to comprehend why human beings experience both challenges and happiness in life. Most importantly, it was when I learned how to live a happier life.

I had never taken prayers seriously before. Growing up with a religious father and a less religious mother, I often pretended to be committed to prayers and never delved deep into religious matters as my father did. Every morning, my father would wake me up at dawn to pray. He would make me stay up late to recite God's words. He would enroll me in Saturday school to learn about religion. However, my primary concern at that time was meeting international friends who also attended the Saturday school. I didn't truly understand the essence of religion, but I had a fear of God. As a child, I believed that God controlled everything, so whenever I indulged in extra snacks or lied about my test scores to my parents, I was convinced that God would punish me. When my parents became angry with me for trivial transgressions, I felt as though God himself was displeased.

At the age of 15, I finally found the answers to the questions that had lingered in my heart for years. It was during a period of anxiety and confusion about my grades and an upcoming exam that I stumbled upon this opportunity.

Prayer completely transformed me. Embracing belief in God and dedicating myself to Him brought me immense happiness. Prayer eased the pain of the cold treatment I endured from my classmates. It helped me overcome the incessant judgmental gazes and scrutiny I faced at school. Most importantly, prayer instilled within me a belief in myself. God helped me love and accept myself for who I was and who I could become.

I was born into the Islamic faith. I am a Muslim. I don't aim to lecture readers about the origins of Islam or its distinctions from other religions. I simply want to share how it has helped me in the past and continues to guide me in the present. My journey began slowly at the age of 15 with the observance of daily prayers. Muslims are obligated to perform five prayers each day: dawn, mid-afternoon, late afternoon, after sunset, and at night. Initially, it was challenging for someone like me who had not been accustomed to faithful prayer throughout my life. Therefore, I started with the dawn prayer and the sunset prayer, offering no excuses and ensuring punctuality. Some adults advised me that these two prayers held significant importance among the five. I maintained this twice-daily routine for about a month, during which I discovered solace in bowing on the prayer mat and seeking God's forgiveness. It took another month and two weeks for me to incorporate the afternoon prayer into my routine, and then the night prayer, typically performed an hour after the sunset prayer. Eventually, after three months, I was performing all five daily prayers, along with additional voluntary prayers.

When I embarked on this journey, my prayers strictly adhered to the prescribed rituals. I assumed the designated postures, uttered the requisite words, and followed the obligatory structure. After a few weeks, however, my prayers evolved into heartfelt conversations with God. I poured out my emotions, sharing every feeling and recounting the events of the day. I implored God to assist me, to aid my comprehension as I prepared for final exams. I beseeched His guidance to maintain consistency in my responsibilities and choices. I begged for the restoration of my parents' pride and faith in me. I sought forgiveness for the unkind words and actions I had directed toward others. I pleaded for the transformation of the animosity harbored in people's hearts into love. I bared my soul and spoke to God about every aspect of my life.

I don't talk about God continuously, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I don't preach to others about religion or impose my beliefs upon them. I dress as I desire and listen to any music that resonates with me. It was not until I turned eighteen that I chose to cover my hair more frequently and display fewer aspects of my body in public. During my teenage years, I was exploring and discovering God and faith. I was learning to believe in something that would never abandon me, regardless of circumstances. I gradually accepted that life does not always align with our desires. We experience ups and downs, yet we rise again and move forward. I am not a perfect Muslim, and even at nineteen, I am still a work in progress. Nevertheless, God has been gracious to me. He has shown me unwavering understanding and care, surpassing that of anyone who has entered or exited my life.I am unaware of your religious beliefs, and I am the last person to criticize any faith. My only advice to young teenagers, both girls and boys, is to allow themselves to believe and have faith. It is acceptable to remain positive and hopeful about the future, regardless of the unpleasantness of the present. Allow your thoughts to shape a better future and believe in that vision. Believe. To me, God undeniably exists. He is eternally prepared and patient to embrace you. Take your time, discover this truth independently, at your own pace, and at the right moment. I assure you, you will find the inner peace and love you have long yearned to achieve.God bless you readers. As always, take a sip and enjoy the cup of my teen tea!Stay with me for the next chapter coming soon.