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New FRIENDS

It is high school after all, a place where you meet people and get along no matter what and how much it takes from you. For me, it took only a day or two to make friends. The not so diffident side of of me made it easier to approach and attract people back then. Out of the myriad interesting people in the school, there were two girls I became close to the most. Those girls were the first people I introduced to my family as my friends from high school. During that time, my father was no where near me to thoroughly advise me regarding friendships and peer influence . Even though I would love to give only laudatory comments about those girls, there are many important things I need to share with you and most of them are obnoxious stories.

Let's say I was desperate. Desperate to explore the world of freedom. Entering high school, I had more time to spend outside than when I was in middle school. Had I mentioned that I come from a very strict home? Well, I do. My father was one of the most strict people I have ever met. However, Due to certain issues I was uncomfortable staying indoors and felt better when not home so I stayed outside as much as I could with my friends after school. School itself was a definition of boredom but what we did after school was the definition of teenage dream for me. Everyday was adventurous. I had even made a list of things to do before graduation and if I remember correctly, I achieved most of them.

Despite all the fun, there was something missing. I was never able to have deep conversations with them. I never spoke of my feelings, problems or any kind of emotional things to them. I knew that I could never cry out loud on their shoulders with expectations of their consolation. Our friendship was sheer being together to break the rules or have fun and nothing emotionally based.  I knew that those friends were friends with conditional love. Their "I love you"  was not  "I have your back" and simply meant "I'll be there when you want to mess around". I never had real friends. They were not my friends. They were only my partner in crime. They were there to mess things up with me, then clean up that mess independently, and not as a team.

Somewhere in my heart, I was lonely. I was searching for something I could not name or identify. I needed someone to talk to, share ideas with and comprehend my anger. I was bewildered about uncountable things happening in life that I was angry at almost everything. I had a poor relationship with the people I lived with and my parents overseas . I wanted tunnels and shortcuts to overcome whatever obstacle I had interrupting me and sticking to friends were all that I could depend on.  Even though we had our differences, we were still close. We had so much fun together being teenagers exploring places and things.

Things I learned;

1. New Friends Don't Solve Your Problems

Like I mentioned earlier, I was wholly baffled in the midst of new faces. I was also getting over the distraught of not having my former friends around me. Hence, my mind was fully occupied with ways of getting away from the emotional problems I was carrying at that time. I thought that was making new friends. To be frank, new friends never made my problem solving better, but made it worse by being a part of the problems. It was wrong for me to think opening up completely to new friends and exposing myself was a way to solve some of the problems I was facing.

2. Watch Out For Negative Signs

Nobody is perfect. As much as we try so hard to be good people, we occasionally  show negativity in various ways to our loved ones. Be it stress, anxiety, depression, we tend to hurt the feelings of our loved ones unintentionally. However, there are some people who deliberately say or do hurtful things for their own boon. I had to learn this the hard way, but I think most people go through a phase of bewilderment amid bad friends once in their lifetime. There are however many signs you can watch out for, when considering whom to keep close to you as a friend.

3. Better Off Alone Than Bad Company

Life can be hard for all of us. You may feel as though the presence of your family or that one childhood friend you have known since kindergarten does not make things better. Perhaps "not enough" is the right phrase to use. I have been in that situation before and I felt empty for not having  the support I needed from friends. The friendship between me and my middle school friends had crooked. We were barely speaking to each other. Along the way, I learned the significance of being alone. Alone might sound like anguish but it is actually not. Spending time alone and taking care of your mental health is absolutely preferable than wasting time with people who treat you trivially .