restricted ~ JJ Maybank

1.32

A/N: I was nervous to write this chapter, since the subject is once again on the sensitive side. I will put another A/N when the trigger is over.
Trigger warning (abuse)

I was dreading the moment I had to drive up my driveway since I entered figure 8. But my room was the only place on this damn island that I could even think about going to. The way towards it, is what makes my stomach turn. I sqeeuzed the steeringwheel of my car one last time as I took a deep breath, building the confidence I needed to go into the place I used to call home. I opened the car door and I got out. My breath was getting louder and deeper. I was constantly rubbing the sides of my legs, I didn't know if it was because it calmed me down, or if it was because I tried rubbing the sweat of the palms of my hands.

The big door made a high pitched noise as I opened it slowly. When you open the wooden door fast, the noise stays hidden. But I couldn't bring myself to open the door quick, I had to check if someone was in the hall before actually going inside, even if that meant that my pressence had been revealed to everyone inside.

I checked left and right before I slowly stepped inside. It seemed like no one was there. So I shut the door and made my way to the stairs. I climbed all the way to the top, where I checked left and right once again. I swallowed the thick saliva that had filled up my mouth, the liquid made me incredible aware of how dry my throat was.

I checked one last time before I set another foot forward, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a door close harshly behind me. I felt my shoulders rise upwards, I shut my eyes tightly, as if that would make me invisible. "Not so brave without your boyfriend, huh?" I heard her cold voice behind me. my breathes suddenly stopped, stuck in my throat. Like that'll make the time stop, so I could run into my room, and lock the door. But I didn't have that kind of luck. I slowly turned around. And there she was, her hair was done tightly in a bun on the back of her head. A tight blue dress that ended just above her knees. I expected to see heels on her feet, but she wasn't wearing any shoes. Which made her steps so much quieter, so much more dangerous.

My eyes were starting to sting. Warning me that a tear was about to be spilled, but I didn't allow it to. This woman can't know she has this kind of effect on me. "I don't need him, not now, not ever." I hissed back. Faking my bravery. JJ hurt me, and I don't want him anymore, but that doesn't make me need him any less.

"We'll see about that." She said through clenched teeth. She stepped forwards, again and again. And with every step I expected to hear her heels echo through the hallway. But the sound never came, and I knew why, but I was still waiting on it. I stood frozen, My feet glued to the ground, to the point where she stood before me, and threw the first punch. unexpectedly, but quick, right in my abdomen. My feet stayed on the same place, but the upper half of my body crunched together, my knees were buckling, struggling to keep my body upwards, but just for a little bit. The worst pain faded after a bit, the only thing left was a nauseating feeling in my stomach, that I was able to hide for now. Until the threw the second punch right after. The one that pulled my glued feet from the floor, I stepped back trying to uphold my stumbling body as I reached for my burning cheek. The place where her rings burried into my skin.

The best thing I could was defence. I tried pushing her off, but I couldn't get myself to actually punch her back. After everything she had done to me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So before I knew it, I was laying on the floor. She had me stuck in between her legs, as she threw punch after punch. I wanted to give in and just let her act out her anger. But I decided against it. So with my last bit of strength, I pushed the woman off of me, she was shocked, so she didn't immediatly got up. What gave me the time to crawl to my bedroom door, that was right behind me. I reached up to the doorknob, and tried to open my door. But the doorknob couldn't open in any way. The door is locked...

My door can only be locked through the inside, or with a key only my mother knows the location of. She knew I was coming home, and she blocked any escape route I had, that I was actually willing to take. She planned this whole thing.

My heart sunk to my stomach as I tried opening the door over and over again. Like it would magically open by my desperate hand. I tried and tried until I couldn't reach it anymore because mother had her hand wrapped around my ankle, she pulled me back, towards her. Her face looked like she was ready to get me killed or something, her covered in blood hands made her look all the more terrifying. To think that this woman once loved me.

When I was back at her. Screaming out in pain and desperation, she wrapped her hand tighlty around my throat. Cutting my screams short. I choked for air as she spoke through her teeth. "You brough this on yourself!" she spat. Little drops of spit flew around when she said that, indicating how mad she was, and how much she meant that sentence. The moment I thought I was a goner, when my vision left me, she released her hands from my neck. Pulling me up by my collar. "Don't piss me off Jessica." She hissed. "You can't hide behind him forever." One last sentence before she threw me back into the corner of room. She looked me up and down one last time before walking away. I sunk through my knees, sobs breaking through the surface. I hid my bloodied, beat up face in both my hands, not caring that the sweat from my hands was stinging in the cuts. My knees were pulled to my chest, I heard something metal lands before my feet, but I didn't look at it after sometime that felt like an eternity, but what couldn't be longer than five minutes. I removed my hands from my face as my eyes landed on the metal thing that was supposed to be my saviour. The key to my room.

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End of trigger, I didn't go much into detail while it happend, only before and after.

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My room was perfectly clean when I entered. and the place I had gone through all that for, didn't feel the same anymore. Maybe it fit before-summer-me, the loner kook. But it doesn't fit me anymore, and I don't even know what to call me. I sat down on my carefully, like it wasn't mine, like I was in some strangers house. I looked around, everything in my room pointed to something that happend in my life. Like the picture wall, with pictures of my dad, my brother, the family vacations we used to go on, uncle Cruz and Ratter, Sarah... Mother...
Or the teddy bear that was on my bed, the one I got when I was at the fair with uncle Cruz, the summer after dad died. Everything in this room was me. my past.

With trembling knees I walked to the bathroom, where I cleaned the cuts, wincing with every bit of alcohol I put on there, but my dad taught me to always clean up my wounds carefully, mentally and or phisically.

I looked at myself in the mirror, split open lip, cut on my cheekbone, bruises on my jaw. I looked pretty bad. I lifted my shirt, to see the spot where she hit me first. A deep purple spot was developing in the middle of my abdomen. I winced at the sight. Letting my shirt fall back down. I rested my hands on the counter as I kept my head down. Sighing deeply. The thought of him hit me, fast and hard. I do need him, not only to help me fight my battles, but to help him fight his. and I do want him.

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Ughh, my baby, I feel so bad for her. The chapter was mostly trigger, which made me read it over and over again, trying to get it just right. I feel like this was an important chapter. I don't know why exaclty, but maybe Jessi learned not to come back home anymore.

I'll start working on the next chapter as fast as possible, so please stay tuned for that.

Also I have to many drafts, so please help me, what do I do with them since some of them I really like. I have a the 100 one and some with why don't we, so please let me know which one I should start uploading.

please vote, comment and follow for more,

bye for now
xx
me <3