LOVE IS BLIND [L.S]

DOUBTS

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE/DOUBTS

The rest of the day with my family went well. They all ended up loving Louis. Because who wouldn't? The guy is literally the most caring and funny man in the world, and he wasn't scared of showing his personality or his affection towards me.
And my mother loved that.

She loved that Louis was proud of us even if we met on some stupid love experiment. She loved that he was secure, loving and not scared of making a fool of himself.
And I kinda loved that too.

They talked all evening, and I started feeling uncomfortable again. They were getting along so well that I felt bad and guilty for my thoughts about cancelling the wedding. I felt bad, because maybe this was going to be over before it even started.

When my family left, the camera men started undoing their things and packing everything back to the car.
Louis and I stayed a little longer in my loft, just chilling on the sofa, sharing kisses and playing with my cat.

"I think your family loved me."

"Maybe." - I smiled at him.

"You've been odd today. Very quiet and... I don't know, uncomfortable?"

"Nope, I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."

"Nothing to worry about." - I faked a reassuring smile.

"Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened earlier that you were so nervous around me? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. Why would you think that?"

"I know I probably shouldn't ask this. But yesterday I told you that I think I love you. And now I'm pretty sure that I do. But yesterday you didn't say anything. And this is not about me forcing you to say it back. But it has been wandering in my mind since last night. Just, you know... the thought that maybe you are doubting about our relationship."

"No, Lou. I'm not doubting about us."

"But you want to call off the wedding."

"What? How did you...?"

"How did I know?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been living together every day for more than a month. I pretty much know you already."

"Fuck."

"So, you're having doubts."

"Yes, but not about you. Shit. Louis, I really want to be with you, but I need to marry someone I love, and I don't know if I love you yet. I'm really enjoying being your boyfriend, we can even stay engaged, but I'm not sure about marriage just yet. It's too much too soon, you know? I feel like we should enjoy ourselves a little more before marrying each other. That's what I have been worrying about these days. I'm sorry. I should have said it before."

"Harry?"

"Mhm?"

"Breathe." - He smiled.

"Shit. I can't. Louis please don't get mad at me. I want to be your boyfriend, your fiancé, I want this with you."

"It's okay, I get it. I just thought we were on the same page."

"Hear me out." - I said and cupped his cheeks.- "I love your voice, your hands, your personality, your laugh, your eyes, the way you play the piano, the way you touch me, the way you make me feel, everything. You're what I want, because I feel relieved every time you are around, every time you kiss me, every time you ease my mind like you own me. But I'm not on the marriage stage just yet."

Louis took my hands off his cheeks and took some distance from me.

"So, you basically love everything about me, but you don't love me."

"No, I mean. No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?"

"I mean that I need to be completely sure that I love you before marrying you."

"Okay. Let's cancel the wedding."

"No, wait. Louis, don't be impulsive. We can talk it through. Maybe..."

"Harry. I think you made yourself very clear. You are not going to love me in a week, and I don't want to be expectant until the night before the wedding, or for you to feel pressured and then regret this."

Louis smiled sadly and stood up from the couch, walking towards the door. I froze for a second.

"Lou, please. Wait!"

But it was useless, he was already gone.

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I returned to the apartment we both had to share and Louis was already in bed.
I took my clothes out and laid down on bed beside him. I stared at his back for a while, wondering if I should wake him up.
He was facing the wall and I felt like there was a cliff between us. It was a torture not to see his features from close.

I took out my phone and scrolled down on instagram to kill time and clear my head. I sighed. I needed to make my mind about Louis. I needed to put things right. The wedding wasn't cancelled yet. I still had time. Right?

I laughed to myself thinking that probably the production is having quite a show watching us through the cameras, I'm pretty sure they are going to get more rating on the show out of this, and I know they are recording everything.