phosphenes (n.) zoro x sanji [roommates au]

chapter 25 - cwtch

s/n: the night we met, lord huron ( slowed and reverbed )

"  do you still remember: falling stars, "

- maria rilke

☞ ☞☞

[ zoro ]

He didn't know he remembered
what the air of his hometown smelled like until he recognised the sweet, coldness spreading into his tongue.

Walking home felt like driving with his eyes closed, it felt like an aquarium within himself. It was hard to find air.

He smiled a little softly to himself, his fingers hovering over the rusted doorbell. The door opened on its own as startled brown eyes met startled brown eyes.

His father had aged, from the roots of the new whites showing up between his raven hair to the wrinkles next to his eyes.

His father opened his mouth to say something, but chose not to and turned back into the house, leaving the door open. In the moment their eyes connected, Zoro felt emotions bubbling across his surface when he met his father's gaze.

He didn't know what caught over him, but he stepped forward quickly and grabbed his father's thin wrist.

"Just say it, father." He said, finding himself counting the cracks on the floor. "I deserve it."

He was only met with silence and a gentle but firm pat on his head.

"Welcome home."

His father's voice was softer than he remembered.

—

His family didn't do much to his room during the time he was gone. It wasn't dusty, so it was regularly cleaned.

He stared up at his slowly cracking ceiling, inhaling the pine-fresh detergent of his sheets. His mother had smiled at him so warmly when he visited, so warm it burned through him.

All he could do was cry like a child in front of her, and hold her small frame in his arms. He held up his hands in the air, thinking, when did she get so small?

Ugly feelings sat atop of him and pressed on his ribs. He hated himself. He hates himself. He was so unkind, so immature, so dirty—there's no way to redeem himself for his family.  He couldn't make them proud.

To a family that loved him so, he antagonised and hurt them. He was really the worst.

He wished he could fall asleep because the darkness wasn't helping these dark thoughts of his. But the sinking feeling of sleep never reached him.

A ray of light shined through the darkness as his phone vibrated, and he turned on his side to check on it.

Sanji: The exhibition just finished. Yours did really well

Sanji: Everyone loved it, even the professors praised it

Sanji: You...really