phosphenes (n.) zoro x sanji [roommates au]

chapter 36 - novalunosis

s/n: fade into you - mazzy star (slowed)

> one of my favourite songs after my dad recommended it to me

this isn't a love story,

i'm not that greedy.

- about you, guo ding

[ sanji ]

What does it feel to catch
thundering rain shower in your hands? The question surfaced whenever his tanned ex-roommate appears in his day. He doesn't really know how it is to love.

That's wrong. He loves cooking, he loves his stepfather, and he loves the sea. He loves other people sometimes.

Perhaps that's why Zoro's brown eyes of silent devotion always scared him. He didn't know how or what Zoro sees about him, and it terrifies the blond boy.

What does he see that I don't? What does he know about me that I don't?

"I'll rather drown in waves, ero-cook, than die of thirst." Zoro's rare epiphanies amongst his usual dumb comments struck him.

He can understand dying to chase a dream, for he has been giving his life away to chase the blue of the sea. What was the point of all the pain for nothing—for something less than a dream?

If only things were as simple as cooking, he thought to himself gloomily, as he pressed the salmon hard on the pan to sear its skin.

Cooking is straightforward; you only have to keep tasting to know what's wrong and what to change, but life works differently. It feels wrong and you add sort of all things that feel wrong and it all goes to fuck anyways.

Asking his tanned roommate to help with the nightmares after breaking his heart would've crossed a whole other threshold of shamelessness that even Sanji wasn't ready to do.

He wished there was a universal line that dictated what crossed silent and sacred friendship to asking too much intimacy, so he wouldn't have to overthink everything that he did.

And hate himself after, seeing how his tanned roommate stiffens sometimes at his own hesitancy to be close to not give the wrong idea.

What's the right idea anyway? He grunted frustratedly to himself as he tossed the garbage harshly into the communal collection, and gave the large plastic container a hard kick.

He mumbled a curse under his breath when the container stubbed his toe, being harder than he expected.

The blond boy wished there was some sort of recipe for him to follow, not like he ever did anyway. Maybe this was just a recipe for disaster and he's following every step to the details.

Why am I afraid?

[ zoro ]

He ignored the blond boy's antics as usual, flirting with any pretty girl that exists within the radius of his sight, all flowery words and gentle gestures.