Never Going Back/NOT EDITED

Chapter 23

     The ride to the district was quiet. I think Jay, Hailey, and I have run out of conversation starters for the awkward situations we've found ourselves in. We arrived to the District that I remembered all too well.

     "We can go in through the front. Your boss already knows it was you, but he doesn't know it was Nathan. He'll be brought in through the back then you can see him", Hailey turned to face me while she gave my leg a reassuring squeeze. 

     "When do I go into protective custody", I raised my head from its current position of staring at my intertwined hands to look at Hailey.

     "Later tonight. We have an apartment for you and Nathan. I plan on staying there for a while if that's okay. If not we can get a patrol car parked outside", I could tell Hailey didn't want to make me uncomfortable. I could tell this wasn't easy for her. Ever since she told me about her father I couldn't help but think that's why they offered to help me.

     "No...I'd um feel safer if you were there", I gave Hailey my half-smile before opening the door to the truck. 

     As we were walking towards the front steps of the District I saw a swarm of news vans. Intelligence had just taken down one of the biggest Gang leaders in Chicago and I guess the news spread fast.

     "Change of plans. We're going through the back. No need for your name to be in the news as a snitch", Jay put his hand on my back as he guided me around the building.

     Luckily, no reporters saw me and we were able to get to the back of the District without an ambush of cameras. I turned the corner and let out a sigh of relief. I hadn't seen Nathan since I got called to the boss's office. That felt like lightyears ago.

     I walked up to Nathan wrapping my arms around his neck while his slipped around my waist. I didn't care if half the Intelligence Unit saw. I buried my head into his neck tightening my grip, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Jay reach for Hailey's hand. I guess they know the feeling of not knowing if you're...person is okay. 

     "It's over. I'm okay...we're gonna be okay", Nathan whispered in my ear as I pulled away from the hug. 

     "Let's get you guys upstairs", Hailey started walking up into the bullpen and signaled for us to follow.

     I walked up the steps knowing where to go from my first visit. So much has happened since then. I've found myself and for once it wasn't in someone else. Yes, I have Nathan, but he's not my identity. For once I feel like I can just breathe.

     Hailey showed us into the break room. I immediately flopped onto the couch, not caring if it was rude. I was exhausted and I would just apologize later if I had to.

     "You guys can chill in here until I'm off shift. Then Jay and I will take you to the apartment", Hailey smiled and headed towards the door.

     "Hailey, wait", I made myself get up from the couch. "I need to talk to them. Hunter, Isa, and Micheal deserve an explanation."

     "Cleo you know you can't d-"

     "Hailey, I know they're going away. I can't let them sit in a cell and wonder why I did it. If I can give them any clarity at all I have to. Please", Hailey sighed as a sign of defeat. 

    "Come on", she walked out of the break room as I followed.

     Hailey talked to Voight and I could tell he wasn't happy. Despite his feelings, Micheal, Isa, and Hunter were brought up from their holding cells and into an interrogation room.

     I put my hand on the handle and froze. So many questions were going through my head. Did they know I was the snitch? How would they react? How much jail time would they serve? I shook my head somehow thinking it would shake the thoughts from my head. It didn't, but I couldn't wait any longer.

     I opened the door and almost broke down at the sight in front of me. Isa was visibly shaking while Micheal tried to calm her hiding his own emotions in the process. Hunter looked lost. His eyes were empty, it was like he was completely numb. At first they didn't notice me, until I cleared my throat in an effort to make my presence known.

     "Damn it, they got you too", Micheal stood up in a rage. Soon it would be targeted towards me.

     "No, they didn't. I was the snitch", I couldn't even look them in the eyes. After all this the least I could do was look at them. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

     "You, what?", Isa grabbed Micheal's arm to keep him from doing something stupid.

    "I snitched. When I first got snatched up, a detective named Hailey gave me her card. At first, I laughed in her face and told her I would never snitch. Then the shooting happened and I saw how the boss would rather have me die than for his secret to get out. He never cared about me or any of us for that matter. You guys are my family, but I had to do this", I finally gained the courage to lift my head. My eyes filled with tears making my vision blurry and by the end of my speech I was choking on small sobs.

     "You're crying really?", this time Isa was the one to get defensive. "You couldn't give two shits about us that's why you did this. You're a selfish little bitch."

     "Do you know hard it was!", I raised my voice while tears streamed down my hot face. "I thought long and hard about this because I care about you. Sooner or later that life would've killed you and you know it. Hell, Micheal was surprised to even make it into his twenties!"

     "Don't play that card. Now we won't get a chance at all and it's because of you! Just get out", Micheal got in my face and I took it as a sign to leave. 

     What broke me the most was that Hunter never moved, never blinked. He sat staring at the wall, numb and it was all my fault. 

     I unintentionally slammed the door on my way out. Nathan was leaning against the wall waiting for me. Probably Hailey's doing. 

     "Come here", Nathan pulled me into a hug as I cried it out. For once I didn't feel ashamed of crying. It didn't make me weak, and I know that now.

      I also know that tomorrow is a new day. New days come with new problems.