Sun Queen

♛ One ♛

There was another this morning. It came with the sunrise.

Mal's been away on the road for the week, fortunately. Each one made it harder to hide from him. My feet are sliding across the dry stone of the kitchen floor as I watch the sun come up from a small window. I smile at the morning's yolks orange light and continue to hum something of song, its notes lost to memory. My gaze sours though as I glance down. I never was much of a cook.

I toss the mangled breakfast eggs into the waste bin and wipe my hands with a towel from the counter. Just as I turn towards the cutting board, I feel it.

It rips me apart and holds me in place at the same time. My body is frozen to the floor. To any passerby I appear to just be standing stiff. But inside, the torrent of power is pushing through me. I can't feel anything beyond the light filling my body. My blood sings with power, every pump through my veins growing in speed. Tears crawl into the creases of my eyes and I hold still as they peel out. As I wait it out, shocked still with the startling pain, I'm forced to watch the blinding light from the windows wash away the kitchen's fires.

Another Sun Summoner dead.

It's the second one this week, seventh in total. Whoever was hunting down and killing these Sun Summoners was terrifyingly good. Would they kill me next?

Stop, I chaste myself harshly.

Soon enough, the light signaling the Sun Summoner's death ends. I collapse to the floor immediately and hold myself in a ball there. The smallest streams of light from every corner, every hole, every window call out to me. I'm sweating and shaking against the stone to maintain my control.

I wipe at the tears puddling on the floor and shift my weight to get more comfortable. I can't help crying every time, the lump in my throat shoving the tears out of my eyes.

I know it sounds childish, but it just isn't fair. I've sacrificed so much for my new life and now I'm being dragged back. I deserved to have this, the orphanage, Mal. The helplessness soaks into my sorrow.

"Miss Alina?"

My limbs freeze but the voice was too high pitched to be Mal's. Besides, he's returning later this day and it's hardly morning. I push myself up from the floor and brush invisible dust off my muted, mauve pink skirts, stalling a moment before I try to give the child standing in front of me a smile. I've only been with orphanage short of a year and I still can't get used to the fact that children don't seem to understand privacy.

I bite my lip to stop the growing lump in my throat and lead the young one back to his room with a hand on his dark, curly forest of hair. Awkwardness blooms in my chest as I try to appear motherly. I can't help that children don't seem to very attached to me. They love Mal though.

Once the boy is tucked back into his sheets, I make a dash for Mal and I's room. I need the comfort of a locked door.

As soon as I'm behind it, I let myself fall to the floor again, curling back into my ball, my lack of sleep holding me there. I count the lines on the wood boards below my face, feeling my breath press against the wood and heat up my face. How many more Sun Summoners' deaths will pass before I loose control and let everyone know what I'm hiding?

I guess one more.

This kind of power is a million times worse than it had ever been before. I never had this endless supply, even with the amplifiers. My guess is that my summoning is being amplified in each Sun Summoner and forced back into me. And now I have the summoning of seven powerful Sun Summoners thrumming beneath my curled hands.

I contemplate telling Mal about the death this morning, but I fear he would be mad I hadn't told him earlier. I should have told him the first time, I think regretfully. Besides, I know how he felt about me being a Grisha.

I'll admit I share his sentiments.

And I can't go back to that. Never again. That life has to be over for me.

Sighing, my shaking hands help me to the bed and I pull the warm, beige covers taut. I pile on the pillows I had tossed on the floor, flinching with the memory of last night. I was glad Mal wasn't there to see me. The nightmares flow freely for me ever since....

Well, ever.

Restful nights of sleep were too far between and rare. I press the palms of my hands to my sore eyes for a moment before retreating back to the kitchen with an empty stomach. More children will be waking soon and they'll need breakfast.

The softly lit, silent kitchen has been changed in the past hour. Now, cooks and servants fill every nook of space, and harsh oven light blurs out the sun's. I feel strange as I stride among these women. I'm supposed to be the lady of the house but I've only turned eighteen two weeks ago and most of them are older than me. Not to mention, I see how they look at me.

I sway under the mix of kitchen smells and lean dejectedly against the wall, looking at the swimming crowd of cooks. I much prefer to have the kitchen to myself.

"Are you alright miss?"

I start to turn around when I suddenly catch the gaze of firelight on the stone floor. It's so beautiful, warming the stone. The light dances right there, I could just reach out and...

"Miss?"

A bright cheeked maid shakes my shoulder and spins me around with quizzical eyes. I blink and mumble a 'thank you' to her, walking back up the stairs and away from the kitchens. Children are dawdling around the kitchen door and when I walk through, they scatter like marbles.

I don't even bother smiling this time, walking far away from their lack of privacy and grimy faces. I fill the rest of my narrowing time preening over the furniture and watching the windows, careful to stay away from where the light can touch my skin. Mal will return today after being away on business matters, with the orphanage.

He never really tells me why he leaves, just chalks it up to his business. I know he works hard but I just wish he was here more often. I wish a lot of things.

I suck in a breath, brush my skirts, and make for the next room. I want everything to look perfect for him.