Sun Queen

♛ Two ♛

Mal's arrival is announced by a chorus of squealing children. I stand in the doorway, watching as three toddlers hoist themselves upon his back. More gather at his feet like fuzzy haired ducklings. I smile at the sight and he tosses his hair back, looking up to grin at me.

Carefully, he drops the children off him and strides over to pull me into an embrace. I giggle as his hands cross behind my neck and he pulls me in for a kiss. The children make a loud symphony of 'yuck' and 'gross' so we pull apart moments later.

"You're back." I pant, wiping at my mouth mischievously.

Mal nods and glances around the foyer, "The place looks great Alina."

I warm at his compliment and take his arm into mine, dragging him away from the children. We stroll around the house and I listen to stories of his journey. It's not very exciting, I'll admit, but I'm glad he shares it with me.

My power is always there to damper my happiness as I bitterly remind myself what I am keeping from him. How do I deserve Mal with everything I have kept secret from him? My head hangs lower with every thought pummeling at my joyous attitude from Mal's return.

"I must go," I slide my arm out of his, "Lunch will be here soon and they'll need my help."

It's a lie, but not one he thinks to question. I scamper away, hauling back up the stairs to our shared room. Mal spends most time in his study so I shouldn't be bothered here.

What am I doing? I think once I am pressed up against the door again. I can't keep lying to him. And yet...

If I fixed the problem before he finds out then he won't get mad at me. My back straightens as my eyes drift to the shimmering blue silk in our closet. The kefta is well hidden from Mal, who I know would be furious if he found out. He just doesn't like to be reminded of who I used to be.

I don't either.

But perhaps Genya, Zoya, and the other Grisha could be of some help. The Little Palace isn't too far, a four days journey at most. And with Mal back, I could be there and home with no reason to worry. I'm not sure if they can help but I have to try.

I have to be rid of my sun summoning.

I pull out my old tracker's satchel and stuff it with a few clothes and shoes for the journey. I'll take the wagon since I can't stand the closed feeling of the carriage. Not after all the memories I've had in carriages like those...

My teeth tear down on my lip and blood gushes out. I can not think of him. Not now, not ever. He does not exist in my mind.

Wiping the blood away, I bring the satchel to my side and straighten up my plain dress. I always hate fancy clothing, which makes Mal and I's closet so strange.

My gaze drifts over for a moment. Mal's finely tailored, spun-from-heaven suits shimmer and boast in their finery. My dresses of simple cotton and colors, comfortable and warm, hang beside them.

I breath out, You can do this. It's only been a few months since I last saw them. When Genya gave me the kefta. They'll be happy I came to visit.

I hope.

I escape out the back way after scrawling a quick letter to Mal. I tell him I'm visiting some friends and he should expect me back within the next week. I often visit friends to get away from the children so Mal won't worry.

The wagon sits out front, its light wood basking in sunlight. My stomach clenches at the thought of being surrounded by so much light the whole journey. If another Sun Summoner dies, I don't know what I'll do. My gaze falls to Mal's carriage but I'm in the wagon before I can even think about it.

A worker from the stables walks out to see me sitting in the wagon and without word he retreats to bring horses. I hope he doesn't tell Mal. I am afraid I will give myself away if I have to look Mal in the face.

The man returns to latch horses to the wagon, two fine steeds. One of strawberry gold color and another of pure white. He begins to hoist himself up but I stop him. "I'm fine, I can lead myself."

"But, milady-" He stutters and I silence him with a thin smile.

"I'm just Alina."

Cracking the reins, the wagon pulls forward and leaves the startled boy in the dust. I hate whenever servants use my title, it's so demeaning somehow. I shake my head in attempt to toss away the feeling. My chest fills with freeing joy at the feeling of wind running its fingers through my hair.

When I return, I can only pray this will all be gone. So I hurtle forward towards my last hope.