Sun Queen

♛ Sixty-Seven ♛

♛ Alina POV ♛

Monster, monster, monster, monster, monster

Jurda parem

Give it to me

There's leather around my wrists, squeezing the blood from my veins

I can't move

I think I'm screaming

I'm screaming

My mouth is open and the wails are echoing out, like I'm trying to scream the nightmares out of my body. The dark, flickering ceiling of the preparation room fades out into the soft swell of my tent's roof.

Hands are suddenly clutching around my forearms, grabbing gently but firmly to pull my gaze away from the tent's roof. I look down to find the Darkling inches away from me. His hands hold me like a delicate vase and inside those grey eyes, worry burns.

".....lina! Alina! Alina!" His voice tumbles in.

I shake my arms a little to let him know I'm awake bow, my screams sputtering out. I swallow to push the dying screams down and gulp in air.

"Alina." The Darkling breathes out his words, relieved, and slowly takes a seat in front of me on the couch.

I pant, swallowing to smooth down the roughness lining my throat. The Darkling watches me expectantly with pushing eyes. I suddenly remember that I haven't spoken since I've left the camp.

I'm tempted to keep my silence, the torrent of words in my head sweeping away my actual ones.

But the Darkling squeezes my hand tightly, as if he could push support through the squeeze. "Please, don't do this again."

I sigh, pulling my hands out of his. I slowly clear my throat to speak. "Hi."

This actually wins a tired grin on the Darkling's face. "Hi?" He teases politely.

I run a hand across my sore throat. "Water, I need water."

"Of course." The Darkling gets up quickly and disappears behind the couch. Just as I take the water glass from his hands, I hear a shrieking shuffle from outside the tent.

Genya bursts through the entrance, Zoya close behind. Genya shrieks when she sees me, running over with her red hair flying like a sail behind her. Her arms wrap around me and she gives me a tight squeeze before backing off.

"We were all so worried." She breathes out, patting her hair down.

Zoya makes a small frown. "Not all of us."

But one glare from Genya makes Zoya roll her eyes. "Fine, I missed you Starkov."

I give them a smile to the best of my ability, even though the effort is immense, and set down my water. "Before we get into everything, I have to know. Did King Artyom keep his promise?"

Zoya gives me a quick nod. "The Drüskelle training facilities have all been shut down. So have the camps like the one you were sent to. So far, he's done what you've asked."

I put a hand against my head, rubbing near my temple. "It's too good to be true. I mean, I can see him keeping his promise about Grisha, but why would he release me? It doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe he's finally trying to create a solid alliance with Ravka. This war hasn't been easy on Fjerda either." Genya offers.

I shake my head, my sleep-slowed mind waking up. Why did King Artyom let me live? I don't understand and it makes me uneasy. There must be some hidden intentions, some secret plan, but I can barely guess at it.

The Darkling breaks the quiet moment. "But for now, we should be grateful for our blessings. Helping all those Grisha and," the Darkling pats my hand, "Getting you back."

A warmth blooms in my chest and my cold breaths grow hot. "Thank you."

Zoya clears her throat and I look up to see a serious expression stretched over her face. It freezes the warmth in my chest. "Alina? I have to ask you a question, and I know this may be a sensitive subject, but it's important that we know."

"Of course." I whisper nervously.

Her eyes pin me against the couch. "Did you experience any symptoms from the jurda parem? Did your Grisha powers mutate in any way?"

I knew I would have to answer this question eventually, but it's so sudden I stop breathing for a moment. Flashes of the steaming stone, the dark streaks in the snow, the gaps in the air where the Grisha used to stand, they all force into my mind. My chest constricts when I try to force the words out, to tell them about the energy blasts I can create.

I want to tell them, but I can't.

Monster, monster, monster, monster, monster

"No, never." I lie, staring blankly at the wall beyond Zoya. It hurts to lie to them, but it would hurt even more to tell them the truth. The words just get stuck behind my teeth and I can't push them out. Hopefully if I'm careful enough, no one will ever have to know.

Monster, monster, monster, monster, monster

A smoothing sensation rolls over the room, the trio all sighing in relief. It only solidifies my decision to lie. Zoya's question does remind me of something I've been meaning to ask.....

"Aleksander? What happened to your shadow summoning after their program?" I know he underwent most of it, that his Grisha power did mutate, as Dr. Semenov told me when he said they had tested almost all types of Grisha except for me.

The Darkling's eyes waver with a sad, reverent kind of shadow. "The ability to put people to sleep. It's like covering their mind with shadows."

I know the feeling, he's used it on me plenty of times.

"So what now? Do we wait for a Fjerdan attack or whatever plan they have?" I ask.

Zoya tilts her head and sighs. "That's what we have to decide. The war council wants to meet with you toda-"

"No." The Darkling stops Zoya. "Alina has been through so much, she should rest."

"Are you Alina?" Zoya arches as brow.

I touch the Darkling's hand to keep the budding fight at bay. "I'm fine, really. Tell the war council I can be ready in an hour."

Zoya nods and leaves, Genya giving me a quick smile before leaving behind her. I hear the Darkling let out a disgruntled breath, annoyed by the exchange.

He rubs a finger over the back of my hand. "Are you sure that you're alright?"

I twist my mouth to the side. "I'm not alright, or even fine. But I don't think I have the luxury of waiting until I am."

Before the Darkling can interject, I interrupt him. After everything that's happened, I'm sick of waiting and being careful.

I have to tell him this.

"You know, my time in the camp was horrible. All of it. But nothing was as painful as thinking that I wouldn't get to tell you."

He looks confusedly towards me and his finger stops rubbing. "Tell me what?"

Queens may have to make the hard decision, but they are still queens. And queens should do what they want.

"That I love you." I whisper.

♛ Darkling POV ♛

When I heard the words from Zoya's mouth, I thought it was amazing. But that dulls in comparison to this moment.

♛ Alina POV ♛

I lean forward and kiss him.