A Functionally Dysfunctional Family

{10} 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚢 {10}

February 6th, 2016

Tommy is eleven, Techno is sixteen, and Wilbur is nineteen.

It was a calm afternoon. Phil was reading a book when the door opened, revealing Wilbur holding a bundle of moving blankets.

"Hey, uh, Wil, what the fuck is that?" Phil calmly asked.

Wilbur glanced down at the bundle of blankets for a moment before responding. "A baby."

"Is it, um, your baby?"

"Yeah..."

"And uh, when did you have this baby?"

"Well, actually my ex had the baby, and uh, about four months ago?"

Phil blinked at him. "So you're telling me, that you got your girlfriend pregnant, and she had your child, and you didn't fucking tell me!?"

Wilbur shrugged. "You never asked."

"Does he even have a name!?"

"Of course he does." Wilbur said. "His name is Fundy."

Right at that moment, a bright orange tail emerged from the bundle of blankets.

"Oh, and he's a fox."

~<•>~

That evening, Phil, Techno, and Tommy surrounded Wilbur and the infant.

"So, we're uncles?" Techno asked, earning a nod from Wilbur.

"Why is he a fox?" Tommy asked. "Was your girlfriend a fox?"

"Uh, no, no she wasn't. She was half salmon, half fox." Wilbur explained.

"The fuck-" Phil muttered

"Yeah, it was a very...odd experience, to say the least. Not that it wasn't enjoyable, it was just...odd."

Techno cringed. "Okay, I think that's enough of your sex life. No need to scar the children."

"Or the adult." Phil muttered.

Wilbur scoffed. "Oh please, you get mentally scarred any time someone mentions anything sexual. Or anything that could lead to sex."

"Well, I'm sorry that angels don't have sex!" Phil snapped.

The two proceeded to bicker, ignoring the crying infant. Techno, careful not to alert Wilbur, gently held the infant, instantly calming him.

~<•>~

298 words