Yellow || hs au

|64|

—

   The day is coming to an end, just like it always does. And once again, I've done nothing, like I haven't for the past three days. Everyday is repetitive and it's old. All I can do is sit around and think and wonder. Wonder about my parents. Wonder about how things would be different; how I wish they were different. I even catch myself day dreaming about how I wish I'd grown up with a happy family, with endless love and affection.

   But even day dreaming is getting old.

   My eyes burn when I blink, not realizing I'd been so zoned out and lost in my own thoughts. I sigh, my knees tucked against my chest as I lean against the side of my building, staring over the balcony railing at the sunset.

   I'd spent all day out here, from the sunrise and now to the sunset. After spending the last two days at Harry's, it was time for me to come home, even though he was reluctant and didn't agree. But here I am anyways.

I miss how I used to be clueless about everything, at the time I didn't like that about myself, but now I'd give anything to not know what I know.

   I wish I'd never forced the truth out of my father, I wish I never knew about my mother's affair. I wish I'd never even gone to therapy and got the help I thought I needed. I'd be so much happier without all of this knowledge and awareness clouding my mind. I wish things were different.

   I glance up at the sliding door from my seated position, Harry stepping out onto my balcony and closing the door behind himself. His eyes scan the emptiness of my balcony before he glances back down at me, still wearing that concerned expression that is also getting old.

   "I really wish you'd stop looking at me like that." I mutter, averting my gaze back to the sunset. I hear Harry sigh from beside me, but I keep my gaze forward.

   "I'm worried about you." He speaks, his voice sending chills down my spine. I breathe slowly, shaking my head before leaning it back against the brick of my building. "Did you go to your appointment?" He questions, referring to my therapy session with Sarah that was this afternoon.

   "No." I answer bluntly. I'm not in the mood to be questioned by him right now, I just was to sit in silence. Sarah would only ask me more questions to make me think even more and I don't want that. I'm tired of thinking.

   "Why not?" He asks. My eyes stay focus forward, my vision unfocusing and becoming fuzzy as I stay quiet. "Can you look at me? Or talk to me at least?" Harry voices, a hint of irritation laced in his voice as he steps in front of my gaze and stares down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

   I avert my gaze off to the side, avoiding his concerned stare, causing him to huff at my lack of response. Harry shakes his head and turns his back to me, his hands gripping the railing as he hangs his head low, his shoulders tensed up causing his back muscles to flex beneath his shirt. I swallow and watch him from behind, noticing how fast his back moves with every breath he takes.

   After a couple minutes of silence, Harry turns around and slides down to sit beside me, his legs stretched out and passing mine by a couple inches, making our heigh difference that much more noticeable.

   "What are you doing?" I question, staring at his rings that cover his fingers. His hands sit folded in his lap, his left side of his body touching mine as we sit.

   "Sitting." He replies easily. Immediately my mind goes back to the few times I'd done the same thing for him. Giving him the chance to talk or simply just sit and think, but I never wanted him to be alone when he was thinking. And now the rolls are reversed. "It won't last forever." He mumbles.