Yellow || hs au

|41|

—

  I don't pay much attention in my art class, not because I'm not interested, but because I'm sort of always in my own world. Everything I'm doing runs through my mind at fast pace and I don't want it to stop. All of my creativity and the way I want the piece to turn out is all jumbled inside but it makes sense to me. I don't hear much of anything else but my thoughts.

  "Ms. Anderson, could you stay after class for a moment?" My professor speaks. My eyes snap up to meet hers, the feeling of my classmates eyes also on me makes me slightly uncomfortable. I nod my head, returning to my work.

  Last night I had spent more time goofing off with Harry and his own painting so I didn't get much more done than the top right corner of my own. I didn't mind though, I just wanted Harry to feel better because even after we talked, I could still sense that he was still thinking about everything.

  I won't ever force him to go to therapy or meetings, even if I personally think they'll help him. If he doesn't believe they will, he won't even open up, not even the tiniest bit. And I think Zayn sort of failed to realize who Harry is. He's closed off and has walls built up all around himself, he has trauma. All of that being stuff he wants to hide from himself, let alone letting anyone else know about it.

  But I think if Harry found someone who really spoke to him and understood where he's coming from, it could really help him. He doesn't even need to start off by telling them he's a meth addict and an alcoholic. He could start from the beginning with his mother leaving, his fathers overdose, foster care. He has to work up the trust with a therapist just like he did with me and probably Zayn.

  I'm sure at one point Harry didn't think Zayn would do anything for him, but now they're best friends. He's so keen on the idea that he's the only one who can help himself through this and that nobody else even has a chance, which is expected from someone like him. I just wish I knew how to convince him that sometimes he needs a break.

  He works himself up so much carrying everything that's ever happened to him on his back and not letting anyone else help him. Slowly he's let me in on the way but I'm not a therapist, I don't know how to deal with things like this professionally. But at the end of the day it's always up to Harry, and right now he's refusing. I have to respect that and so does Zayn.

  When the class ends I set my paint brush down, watching as everyone moves around to set their wet painting somewhere to dry, some choosing to take them with them. I pick all of my things up, returning the paintbrush and paints to one of the sinks to let them soak before I maneuver my way to the front where my professor waits.

  "I see you're finally using some color." She speaks right off the bat, moving a few of her drawings out of the way. I roll my lips into my mouth and nod slowly. "I like that, it's a change from your other pieces. That makes a good artist." She continues.

  "A lot has changed since the beginning of the year." I tell her honestly. She raises her eyebrows, urging me to go on. "Certain people enter your life and make it a little more colorful." I clarify briefly.

  "You've got real talent, Clover. And as much as I love having you as a student, I want you to go places that aren't confined in the walls of this building, you get what I'm saying?" She questions.

  "I hope so, but I feel sort of stuck." I tell her honestly. My professor frowns and purses her lips as she leans on her messy desk. "Like my art isn't any better than anyone else's, it's just ordinary." I continued with a small shrug.

  "Alright." She speaks, tapping her fingers on the desk as she motions to my sketchbook that is still open, allowing the acrylic paint to dry as I hold it a good distance from my body. "We'll talk when you finish this piece, but I want it to be different, nothing like anything you've done before. I leave it up to you to figure that out."