Yellow || hs au

| 99 |

—

Harry

The door of my apartment closes slowly behind me, the click of the lock echos in the silence. I let out a soft breath of air, glancing around the loneliness of my apartment. My eyes fall down to my feet, my vans are dirty and slowly ripping at the soles. Beside them, Clovers identical vans sit untouched, the toe of her left one still rests against the back of the right one from when she last took them off. Her scent still lingers in the air, the smell of my apartment only ever smells like her anymore.

   It's like when certain places have distinct scents, like the way a clothing store smells or how your grandmothers house always has the same, comforting smell. Clovers scent follows me, no matter where. I never really missed it, until now. Until I had to question when the next time I'd see her would be. The thought is heavy, so I push it to the back of my mind and I tear my gaze away from her shoes.

   I toe my vans off before I step further into my apartment, studying the way everything is so still. The silence is eerie and it rings in my ears uncomfortably. The pillows on my couch are flat from being laid on, the cushions lost beneath the blankets that are still left, unfolded, containing more of Clover. I blink slowly, my feet carrying me to stand in the heart of my apartment. My hands dig into the front pocket of my hoodie as I stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

   I sigh heavily, my chest deflating as I turn to face the wing of my apartment that holds the guest room and my studio. The door of my studio stares back at me from the opposite end of the hall, my feet carrying me slowly until I'm stood right outside of it. I grasp the handle, pushing it down and allowing the door to open. The room is dark, the curtains drawn fully and all of my instruments sit untouched. I slowly push the door closed behind me, moving to plug in the string lights that outline the bookshelf of my vinyls.

I chew the inside of my cheek, lowering myself into my desk chair. My hands rest on my knees, my thumbs tracing small circles against my sweats as I take in the room. I haven't been in here for quite a few days, I'd been spending all of my free time with Clover. I reach forward and I turn on my Mac monitor, the screen and keyboard lighting up the area around my desk. I type in the five letter password, lucky, and the wallpaper of her and I comes into view.

We had just finished showering, my arms wrapped over her naked chest were the only thing covering her up. Her small figure covered my lower half, the counter covering hers. She held her phone in the mirror, smiling widely and showing off her perfect teeth. I was busy gently biting her jaw, my eyes screwed closed as I squeezed her into me. I remember how much she loved the photo, but repeatedly telling me I couldn't post it anywhere. We were so happy. Before rehab, before I cheated, before everything came crashing down. All because of me. I stare at the photo with a lump in my throat, my hands running up and down my thighs.

My gaze lands on the folder I made a while ago, it sits in the top right of my screen, away from the rest of my softwares and other icons. I stare at it, my chest heavy and constricted, making the breaths I draw in, difficult. I don't even have the courage to open the folder, knowing that it'll just make everything harder right now. I chew the inside of my cheek, pushing up from my chair and unplugging my lights. I leave the room, closing the door behind me fully. I stand there for a moment, my lips parted as I breathe heavily.

A loud clap of thunder causes me to flinch as I carry myself back out into my living room. The wind howls through the building, blanketing the silence of my apartment. I stare out my sliding glass door, the dark clouds covering the sky. The fog hides the tops of many skyscrapers that tower above mine, and the streets below me are hazy and hard to see. I adjust the beanie on my head as I turn away from watching the storm, slowly moving to sit in my couch. It's only about six thirty, but with the storm and how dark it is outside, it feels so much later.