Yellow || hs au

| 81 |

—

The feeling of fingers running down my back causes me to slowly flutter my eyes open. The room is still dark, the shades of the window are pulled across to block the sun from entering. But it's easy to tell that it's only early because the sun has barely even made it's way over the horizon yet. I draw in a slow breath through my nose, still feeling incredibly tired because I got some of the worst slew of my life last night. I just couldn't shut my mind off, not even for a few solid hours.

The gentle movements against my back come to a stop as his arm slowly makes its way over my waist. I feel him shift so his back is pressing against mine, a small sigh flowing from my nose as he slowly pushes my hair from my shoulder. His lips meet my shoulder over the fabric of my shirt, trailing up the collar of it until he finds the bare skin of my neck. His soft lips brush over my ear before he places a delicate kiss there, my eyes already beginning to fill with tears and it's barely seven o'clock in the morning.

"What's wrong, baby?" He questions quietly, his voice laced with sleep and exhaustion. I shake my head slowly, a small tear trickling from the corner of my eye, down the bridge of my nose and to the sheet of the bed. I screw my eyes closed, feeling my bottom lip begin to tremble. It's stupid that I'm crying, but there's so much to unfold, I don't know what happened to us. "Why are you crying?" He asks again, gently pulling at my waist to turn me to face him. I simply shake my head and I push myself to sit up in the small bed, my back facing him still.

His hand falls from my body, the loss of contact only making my chest feel even heavier. I want to just ask him everything right now, I want him to be able to give me an answer to every question I have. I need this whole thing to be much less worse than I'm anticipating it is. But at this point, I don't even know what to expect when I hear the whole story. I'm so lost, I don't even know when everything went so wrong. I'm trying to understand, or backtrack, to put some pieces together but I can't.

"I just don't understand where we went wrong, Harry." I finally voice, my eyes focused through the thin and cheap shades over the window. The sun moves slow, creeping it's way up higher and higher into the sky to drown us in its light. My legs are criss crossed and I make no effort to turn around and face him. I don't know if I'm supposed to be pissed off at him or relieved that he's okay. I don't know what to say to him or how to act right now. I'm so happy that he's okay, but I just have no idea how we got to this place. And I think I deserve some truthful answers from him.

"Please look at me, I don't like when you don't look at me." He mumbles, gently tugging on the hem of my shirt. I sigh quietly and for a moment I don't move, I just stare forward, knowing that when I turn around to face him, it's all going to rush back to me. The unconditional love I have for him, the pure happiness I feel when I just see his face. All of it. And it makes it really difficult to talk to him about what's going on when all I can focus on is how much I miss him. "Baby." He whispers, and the way that nickname rolls off his tongue so easily is enough to make me turn around and face him.

His timid eyes find mine immediately, and I can tell by the way his shoulders slowly fall, he's relieved that I even turned around. I stare down at him, all of the cords surrounding him, keeping him hooked up to all of the monitors around the room. He swallows hard, staring up at me with such sweet and innocent eyes, it takes everything in me not to crawl on top of him and drown him in kisses, quiet 'I love you's' and apologies. I want to take away all of the hurt is built up behind his eyes and I just want him to feel okay for once. I can see all of the guilt he's feeling, based solely on the way he's sitting and the way he keeps hesitantly watching me for my next move.

"I have questions, and I need answers from you." I finally voice, wiping my cheeks as Harry blinks up at me, allowing me to continue. "All I want is the truth, Harry, you owe me the truth." I continue, watching as he nods his head in agreement. I wish I would have been able to write down my questions in the order I want to ask them, but right now, when interruptions aren't likely, I want to ask the ones I'm dying to have an answer to. All of them. He doesn't voice a reply so I take that as my chance to begin. "How long have you not been sober?"