Yellow || hs au

| 97 |

—

Harry

   I never believed in God when I was growing up. I never went to church, I never prayed over my meals, or asked for forgiveness when I had done something wrong. I couldn't believe in something I couldn't see. I don't know if my view has changed much since then, but sometimes I wonder if the stars are like my god. While most people talk to God, asking him for guidance and forgiveness, I never saw the stars as anything other than just that. Stars. They don't respond, they're always there no matter what, and I don't ever feel judged when I talk to them. Kind of like God, I guess.

   But tonight, I think the stars are upset with me, too. For the first time, they're not here. They're completely hidden underneath a thick blanket of clouds, shielding all of them from my view. The moon just barely peeks through the clouds on its own, only showing up once in awhile. I would be upset with me, too. I am. The past three days, everyone has been mad at me. Tiff found out, which I expected. I haven't heard from Zayn, and his silence is enough for me to know he's just as pissed at me as the other two. I don't blame them, I deserve for everyone to be mad. I just don't like it.

I stare intently at my rings that decorate seven out of my ten knuckles, my head tilting to the side as I twist the H around my pointer finger mindlessly. The stool beside me is pulled out, obnoxiously screeching along the floor, tearing me out of my thoughts. I glance up from my hand, the bartender tending to the man beside me, my eyes dancing around the bar at all of the unfamiliar faces. They all wear smiles on their faces, some of them drunk, others genuine. None of them seem to have a care in the world, living their lives without having any idea what the other is going through.

Across the bar from me, a woman sits on the barstool with a red drink sat in front of her, her hand resting over the top of the glass casually. A man, who I'm assuming is her boyfriend, stands behind her with his palms resting on the bar, trapping her between his arms. He says something to her in her ear, the two of them laughing silently with one another, her smile huge as she shakes her head at him. He grins softly against her cheek and she turns to kiss him, both of them smiling into the kiss. My heart tightens in my chest as I shift my eyes down to my fists that are clenched, my knuckles white. I blow out a short breath, unclenching my fist and relaxing my hands.

My eyebrows furrow deeply as the bartender slides a shot of vodka in front of me, a shot that I hadn't ordered. The bartender sets a lime on a napkin beside the shot, along with a salt shaker. I swallow hard, getting a short whiff of the alcohol that makes me almost gag.

"I didn't. . ." My sentence trails off as the bartender simply nods at the person beside me before he walks off to the other side of the bar, tending to the other customers. My eyes follow him for a moment before I glance to my left, finding an older guy sat beside me. He looks like he could be a few years older than I am, thirty at most I would have to guess. His hair is short on the sides, longer and fuller at the top.

"Figured you could use it. Tough day?" He questions, lifting his own glass to his lips. He sips the dark liquor shortly, eyeing me as he places his glass back down on the counter. I don't answer for a few moments, glancing back over at the couple I had been watching. He's sat beside her now, still close and touching her softly. I swallow hard, wondering if that's what Clover and I ever looked like.

"Tough couple days." I finally respond, forcing my gaze back over to the guy beside me. He chuckles, nodding his head shortly as he takes another sip from his drink. We don't say anything else, my gaze dropping to my untouched shot. I hadn't come here to drink, I had zero intentions to do so. However, a bar seemed like the least lonely place at the time, but now that I'm here, I couldn't have been more wrong. It seems like everywhere I look, I'm faced with people who are happy and in love. It's fucking annoying.