The devastating and heart wrenching story of Yellow, takes you through the journey and relationship of an addict, and a woman who views the world through rose colored glasses. Throughout the story of Yellow, you will see how the struggles, the disap...
I sit with my knees tucked against my chest, my back leaned into the leather couch that is one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever sat on. But I ignore the discomfort as I stare out of the big window beside me, watching as the colored leaves rustle along the sidewalk, eventually getting stepped on by someone passing by.
The trees are all warm colors of orange and yellow, some brown beginning to show here and there as October progresses. The month has been uneventful to say the least. I haven't done much of anything except for art and getting back ahead in all of my classes, which isn't exactly a bad thing.
I hear another page turn from in front of me, but I keep my gaze locked out the window. I watch the people who pass throughly, wishing they'd walk just a bit slower so I could see them better. I wonder what they're all going through. The more people who walk past, the more I wonder why I seem to be the only one who feels completely lost in this city.
Although everyone who walks past looks completely different than the next, they all have one thing in common. They look like they know what they're doing. They look as though they have known their purpose here forever. They don't even give me a first glance as they walk past briskly, having somewhere to be in such a short amount of time. But I watch them for as long as possible, wondering.
Another page turns.
My heart is heavy in my chest, weighing every part of my body down like I'm chained to this uncomfortable couch. I breathe in slowly through my nose, tearing my gaze away from the window for what feels like the first time since I have sat down. Approximately thirty five minutes ago.
"Why do I feel like the most unimportant person in the world?" I ask, my voice quiet. Sarah looks up at me from my sketchbook, probably surprised that I'm talking since I haven't spoken a word until now. I don't even know what to say truthfully. "I'm just someone that nobody wants to be around, I don't even want to be around myself." I continue.
Sarah sets my sketchbook beside her, her right leg crossed elegantly over her left knee as she pushes her glasses into the roots of her hair. She taps her fingers on her knee cap, her eyes searching me for a moment before she sighs, leaning into the back of her chair as she crosses her hands in her lap.
"Clover, I'm going to be brutally honest with you, okay?" Sarah says, my eyes hesitantly meeting hers as I nod my head. "Since our first session together, I've learned that you overthink every little thing." She states matter of factly. I blink slowly, waiting for her to go on. "You make up these ideas in your mind and then you mistake your own imagination for reality." She continues, my gaze dropping to my lap where I twist my ring around my finger.
"Maybe it's just the harsh truth." I suggest negatively. Sarah huffs quietly which earns my attention, her eyes narrowed at me as if she's scolding me and my words.
"You think the absolute worst of yourself and thats not necessarily your fault, you were raised like you were unimportant." She says, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip, breaking through a thin layer of skin. "You don't know any other way to think. You always assume that it's always going to be your fault." She continues.
I stay silent, simply shrugging my shoulders and avoiding her gaze. Sarah sighs and picks my sketchbook back up, flipping through the pages for a few moments before she turns to show me a certain page.
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"You drew this last week, correct?" She questions. I chew my bottom lip, nodding my head shyly, knowing that the messy numbers written in the corner are a dead give away of the date. "This was after the breakup?" She asks again, my heart pinching.
"Yes." I mumble, Sarah nodding her head as she watches me for a long moment. We sit in silence, my eyes trained on the piece that she holds in front of me. It's been just over a week since Harry and I's 'breakup'. And it's been extremely difficult. "It was mutual."
"Then why are you blaming yourself?" My breath hitches in my throat as Sarah waits for an answer. An answer that I don't know. An answer that I can't give to her. "Is he blaming himself right now? Do you think he is?" She asks again, my eyes beginning to water. "Clover, do you think he loses the amount of sleep you do, thinking about how it's all his fault? Do your parents think about how differently they could've done things?"
"I don't know!" I exclaim, my voice cracking and fading out as my throat aches. I shake my head, wiping the tears away as I sniffle, feeling Sarah's eyes boring into my face. "I don't know." I whisper, my bottom lip trembling as I lean my face into my palms.
"All I'm saying is that it's not your fault you feel the way you do. It's not your fault your mind tricks you into overthinking so excessively. It's called having anxiety and it's common in a lot of people, not just you." She tells me, my heart sinking in my chest as I wipe my eyes once again, unsure of what to say anymore. "I can tell you care about Harry, and I'm sure he cares about you too, more than you're allowing yourself to think." She continues, my gaze dropping to my ring again.
"Yeah but he cares about Allie too." I mutter bitterly, my knuckles digging into the couch cushion. Sarah sighs and closes my sketchbook, the topic now completely changed. "I'm tired of being everyone's second choice." I state, Sarah's lips rolling into her mouth as she nods her head in agreement.
"Did Harry tell you he cares about this girl?" She questions, my eyes flickering over to meet her soft gaze. I shrug, beginning to pick at my nails. "He didn't, did he? You just think he feels that way about her because you don't let people care about you. You didn't grow up in a loving family and now that someone is showing these emotions towards you, you're pushing them away."
I swallow thickly, squeezing my eyes closed in hopes the wave of tears with go away. I'm let down when I feel the tears trickle from the corner of my eye, down beside my nose to the corner of my mouth. I sigh heavily, wiping it away as more come, my eyes peeling open unwillingly.
"I don't know what to do. I thought I was finally okay, but now it feels like I'm worse than ever." I explain, my voice wavering unevenly as I lock my vision out through the glass window once again. "I'm so tired." I mumble.
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Happy update! Here's a super short filler chapter that I just wanted to get out and published. I know I've been awful at updating but I promise I'm trying. It's just a tough place in the book right now, trying to keep it interesting and not so boring. I hope this was decent, I'm sorry it's not very long. I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing.
