Yellow || hs au

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   My eyes stare out the window of my bedroom as the sun finally peeks over the horizon and I breathe out a sigh of relief. I don't think I've ever been so relived for it to be the morning. I didn't get any sleep last night, I don't even think I closed my eyes long enough to actually see darkness. How could I possibly sleep after having fought with Harry like that last night and after he walked away from me.

   I had got a ride home with Tiff and Zayn last night which made me feel worse because they seem so happy together. They weren't trying to make me feel like shit, it was just my own insecurities peeking through, but I wish Harry and I could've had a good night together.

   I have no idea where we stand with each other right now. After he had left, he was gone from the party all together. Nobody had seen him since he walked in to the party and the worry that caused me had me feeling nauseous. I still feel like that.

   I let out a long sigh of exhaustion as I swing my legs over the side of my bed, rubbing my tired eyes before placing my feet into the cold flooring of my apartment. I don't know what to do with myself, Harry and I haven't actually fought like this before. Sure we took a break and we have argued before but this just is different.

   I don't really know what to think. I had basically told Harry to break up with me for Allie and he didn't even deny that that's what he wanted. He just walked away. I don't know if that was his answer but it kind of feels like it was. Are we broken up now? Am I supposed be single? I know that's what I said, but that's not what I want. In the heat of the moment, all I wanted was to hurt Harry, and now all I want is to take the entire night back.

   I tuck my toothbrush into my cheek as I spit into the running water of the sink, the white foam disappearing down the drain. I sigh as I stare back at my reflection, my dark circles more prominent this morning than they usually are due to my lack of sleep. Rinsing my toothbrush, I put it back into the small drawer, watching it land beside Harrys pink one.

   Even the sight of his toothbrush makes me miss him.

   I swallow hard and close the drawer with force before leaving my bathroom, shutting the light off as I wander down the hallway. Giving my studio door a short glance, I sigh and bravely push it open without a second thought.

   The room is terribly organized with my paints all tossed in random baskets that are hoarded in one corner, the same with the brushes and unused canvases. My foot steps echo lightly from the creak of the floorboards beneath them. Harry had been the last one in here and that was a week ago. He said he had taken all the paintings out, so the fear of opening this door was gone.

   But he lied.

   A small smile forms onto my lips at the singular painting sat leaned against the wall, staring back at me. Harry's purple flower he had painted the first time we painted together sits there innocently. It's red smiley face is still adorable and the small H signed in the corner brings a stupid smile to my face. He did it like I do with a C on all of my pieces.

   I shake my head and crouch down to pick up the small canvas, holding it delicately in my hands as I stare down at it. I remember how much he hated this painting, especially when I called it cute. But I love it. It's my favorite one, besides the one we made together.

   I sigh and leave my studio, but this time, I leave the door wide open as I leave. I slowly make my way to the living room shelf, setting the painting of Harry's up beside our other one, my heart pinching in my chest.

   I want to call him and I want to tell him that I miss him. But I'm not the one who needs to fix this, I had done nothing wrong last night. Harry was being ignorant and unfair all night, I had figured he'd tell me I was insane for even suggesting that he wanted Allie over me. But he didn't.

   Hurt courses through my veins all over again, the emotion attacking my heart and stinging it as I move to sit on my couch. I never imagined Harry would ever hurt me like this and be okay with it. But he hasn't called or texted, not once. And maybe that's my answer.

   I can't force him to want me back or to say that I'm the one he wants. But is it wrong that I thought he would say that to me anyways? I feel incredibly stupid and embarrassed. I feel denied and I hate feeling like this.

   But as much as I hate this feeling, I'm slowly realizing that my theory of being unwanted, is actually becoming a reality. Just like everyone else, Harry is becoming bored of me and last night he made it pretty obvious that he doesn't want me anymore. It feels like I've been waiting for this day to come, but it came faster than I was hoping for. I'm not ready to be done with Harry, I never will be ready. I need him.

   I groan into my palms as I sniffle, wiping away the tears from under my eyes as I huff with annoyance. Standing from my couch, I wander back to my bedroom where I change into a pair of grey sweatpants and a small white tank top before grabbing my phone and leaving my apartment.

The sky is a gloomy grey color today, the sun trying its hardest to shine through the thick clouds. The air smells like it could start raining at any moment, with light winds playing with the ends of my hair, adding to the chilled temperature in the air.

I don't exactly know where I'm going, but I don't want to sit in my apartment. I wish I could just go to Harry's and see him, but I can't. And I'm almost positive he doesn't want to see me right now. Even though he hurt me, I still want to see him. I still want to make sure he's okay, even if I'm not.

   I find myself walking into the café, the familiar scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries fills my nose, bringing me the smallest bit of comfort. The line is short like it usually is and the café is only occupied by a man sitting in the corner and a women behind the counter who isn't Josie.

   I pay the nice lady for my latte before venturing back to Harrys table, sitting with my back faced to the rest of the café, where I normally sit with Harry. I stare at the empty seat in front of me, imagining the many times Harry had sat there. The way his feet would tap the sides of mine, how he always invaded my legs space with his.

   If Harry and I are broken up, this is probably the worst place for me to be. Every time I come here I remember everything. How he looked the first day I ever saw him, how fast he scribbled in his notebook and never once looked up. How could he so easily end things with me after everything we've been through?

I take a sip from my latte, ruining the white foam design on the surface of the liquid as I stare out the window on my left. So many different strangers all living their own lives with their own problems. People I'll probably never see again. They all walk with purpose, their noses held high in the air with pride.

I sigh to myself and return my gaze to the empty seat in front of me, wishing more than anything that Harry was sitting there, playing footsies with me under the table.

My phone vibrates on the table causing me to swallow hard, picking the device up only to be let down when I don't see Harry's contact name on the screen. Instead, a message from my father sits on the screen, staring back at me tauntingly. I ignore the message, setting my phone back with its screen face down. I don't want to deal with him right now, I don't know if I can yet.

—

Happy update, here's a shirt filler chapter for you! Thank you all for the recent love on this book, it really does mean so much to me!

Let me know what you're thinking and feeling! I love to hear your opinions

Much love
~C