Forever and Always

Guilt and Captives

When I heard the sound of Beth in the main room, I gently rolled out of from under Carl's arm. He stirred a little so I didn't move for fear of waking him up. When he faced the wall, I continued on my way to the room where Beth was sitting by herself.
"Good morning," Beth said cheerfully.
I slumped down in my chair,"What's good about it?"
"What's wrong?"
I opened up my hand which had been clenched in a fist all night. In it was the note.
I handed it to her and looked at the floor.
After skimming through it, Beth looked at me with her mouth open.
"I am so sorry," she said in a low tone.
I sighed,"It's all my fault. I'm the reason that he's dead now."
I saw the tears in Beth's eyes,"It is not your fault, Jocelyn. He did it to get away from something that was given to you. It's not your fault that you're a nice, beautiful girl."
I brought my knees up to my chest and let my head fall.
Beth continued to waft her food while I sat in sorrow.
Daryl, Maggie, and Glenn came into the room a short time later. I left my head in between my legs. They all asked me what was wrong and when I didn't answer, I heard the sound of paper crinkling coming from Beth's direction.
Nobody bothered me after that.
I heard another person come into the room and lifted my head.
Carl was standing job the doorway, rubbing his good eye. His black eye seemed to have gotten worse as the night went on.
I got up from my chair and went to get a closer look. He had tried to cover the wound by pulling his hair over it, but it kept on swaying so his attempts weren't succeeding.
When I reached him, I pushed the remaining hair away from his eye and looked.
The bruise was a dark blue and was starting to look black. I stood on my tip toes and kissed his forehead. When I leaned down he kissed mine and grabbed my waist.
"Morning."
I forced a smile because I knew that he had kept the "good" part out for a reason.
He led me back to the table where everyone stared at me and Carl.
"What?" Carl asked.
"She hasn't looked up all morning," Daryl whispered like I couldn't hear him.
Carl smiled and looked back at his food. I stared at mine and wondered how I was going to be able to eat it without feeling guilty about Stevan. One of my beast friends had committed suicide because he loved me. It was all my fault that he was dead.
Carl glanced at me and I slowly put a teeny bite in my mouth.
Everyone finished eating before me and went back to her cells to get weapons for the daily runs, but Carl stayed with me until I had finished a decent amount of food.
Together, we walked to our cell and grabbed our weapons.
As we were walking down the path to the nearby neighborhood, Carl asked,"Why are you beating yourself up about this?"
I whispered,"He was my friend. I caused his death."
Carl stopped walking and turned to face me.
"It is not your fault. Stevan wanted to do this. And I actually hate that guy more now that he's dead."
I rubbed my eyes,"Why?"
"Because he made you cry."
I grabbed Carl's hand and we continued to walk.
He was right. So was Beth. It wasn't my fault that Stevan was dead. He killed himself. He could have dealt with the fact that I love Carl and just stood there and been my friend. But he didn't do that. He took the easy way out and it turned out that he wasn't my friend.
Friends don't make their friends cry.
Suddenly, Carl stopped and drew his gun.
His sudden action stunned me and I didn't have enough time to react before a Walker grabbed me from behind.
I heard the growl of the Walker as I tried to bring my boot up high enough to get the knife that lay in it.
I heard a gun shoot and the grasp of the Walker loosened.
Carl ran over to me and pulled me into a hug.
I squeezed tightly.
When he realeased me, I looked at myself to check if the Walker had bitten or scratched me.
Thank goodness that it didn't.
I looked up and there was a Walker behind Carl. I tried to warn him, but the words wouldn't come out.
Standing behind Carl was Stevan. Or at least a Walker that was Stevan.
I fumbled as I tried to get my gun. Carl saw me reach for it and turned around.
He stood beside me and we watched "Stephan" approach.
"You have to do it." Carl said.
I aimed the gun at the Walker and placed my finger on the trigger.
"I can't." I said.
"I know how it feels to kill someone you love, but so do you. You can do it. It's not human anymore."
I looked at the creature.
A gun shot rang through the clearing and the Walker fell to the ground.
I brushed the tears from my eyes and turned to leave the fallen behind.

On our way back to the prison, my vision started to blur. I shook it off and continued walking. When I started to wobble, Carl steadied me.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Just a little tired."
We continued walking. I heard the sound of the bushes rustling.
Carl's reflexes were faster than mine so he had his gun out and aimed before I had even moved to get mine.
Suddenly, something grabbed me from behind and then covered my mouth.
Carl was still fixated on the moving bush. I didn't have enough energy to call for help so I stood there.
I was pulled into the bushes behind Carl.
"State your name." the stranger commanded.
"Jocelyn."
"Joce?"
The voice sounded familiar.
They let me go and I turned around.
Sitting in front of me was Keyanna and her mom Denise.
She launched at me and pulled me into a hug.
"Key, ohmygosh."I said.
"You're alive." we both said at the same time.
We both tried to talk about what had happened since the apocalypse started but Denise told us that we needed to go to a safer place then a bush.
"Do you guys have somewhere to go?"
Keyanna shook her head,"Nope. We've been finding empty houses."
"I have a place where we can go." I said when I heard Carl screaming my name.
We crawled out of the bushes and Carl pointed his gun at us.
"Calm down, Grimes." I said laughing at his serious expression,"This is Keyanna and her mother, Denise. Key is the other friend that knew me so well."
Carl dropped his aim as we all stood up.
I grabbed Carl's hand as we all continued to the prison.
I then heard Keyanna's voice in my ear,"He's cute."
Carl smiled so I guess he heard it too.
"I know." I said as we approached the prison doors.