Forever and Always

Past and Present

It had taken a little more time than I would have liked to pull myself together in front of Carl, but eventually, I did.

We left my room and then the house all together. For the next few hours, we checked the rest of the neighborhood until all the houses were raided for their food.

I tried really hard to pretend that what had just happened didn't, but my mind kept on pulling me back to the fact that Carl had actually been nice to me. He didn't yell at me to pull it together or anything that would make me want to shoot the sheriff hat off of his head. Instead he listened and gave his take on the world.

On our way back to the prison, I glanced at him. His face was clouded. Probably from his memories. His expression had stayed the same ever since I had mentioned how our mothers were taken away from us at such young ages.

"So what happened to your parents?" Carl said when he saw me staring at him.

"Um." I stuttered, caught off guard,"My mom and dad divorced when I was a baby. Then she got remarried to Jacob's father. He took off when the first Walker showed up at our house. I guess he doesn't mean anything to me anymore since he just left my mother with two children. I tried to the best help that I could be after that, but it wasn't enough. My mother had died before Glenn and Maggie came across me and Jacob."

I thought about how my mother had died. I had to shoot her.

"No," I continued,"I shot her. I had to shoot her to make sure that she didn't become one of them."

Carl's face stayed the same. It kind of scared me because if somebody had said that to me, I probably wouldn't have let them stand as close to me as Carl and I were right now.

He shifted the bag of food and clothes that he was dragging on the ground and said,"I had to kill my mother too. She had just given birth to Judith and there was no way she was going to make it. Someone had to make the hard decision and I made it my duty for it to be me. I shot my mother and from that day one, nobody in the prison has looked at me the same. They say that it was the right thing to do, but their faces say that they think I am a monster. I mean, what kid goes and shoots their mothers."

I forced a small giggle,"Us."

A grin formed on his lips,"Yeah."

Looking into his face, I realized that he was actually pretty cute. His brown hair was shaggy and dirty, but it worked for him. His face was perfectly chiseled and could make any girl swoon. I probably didn't notice it before because he was being a major dick.

"So, what school did you go to before the apocalypse?" I asked him.

"Dodgen Middle School." he said with a grim smile.

My jaw dropped, "Really? Me too."

I started to think about all the time that I had spent in that school and not once did I ever notice or hear of Carl Grimes.

"Yeah, I know."

I flicked the hair that had just blown in my face over my shoulder,"And how would you know that?"

He stopped walking and I did the same.

"I know because I had a crush on you for the past three years, but you had no idea that I existed because you were too caught up with all of your popular friends."

The sadness in his voice was impossible to miss.

"My friends weren't popular. I just never noticed you."

He sighed and said,"No. You didn't. You always had your eyes on the football team and the soccer team, but never the people that showed up to those games. You never cared about all the people that were sitting right next to you because they weren't the ones that were going to play on the field."

I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks as my anger built,"That's not true. I'm sorry that I watched the field because that's where my friends were. I'm sorry that most of those people weren't my friends. I was the one person in the group that would be there to comfort someone and never expect comfort in return. I'm sorry that out of all of the people that I hung out with, there were only two that I actually considered friends. And yes, after meeting you, I'm really sorry that I didn't take the time to turn just a little and say,'My name is Jocelyn. Who are you?' I'm sorry about all of that but you don't have to rub it in my fa-"

Suddenly my lips were pressed against his. He smelt of sweat and trees but I couldn't imagine my first kiss any other way.

Then, all too soon, we were separated and walking again. Silently.

When we approached the prison doors, I turned to say what had been on my mind for the past ten minutes,"So, is that why you were being suck a dick when I first showed up."

He gave a small nod,"I thought that you would be the biggest bitch. You had spent all those years with those stupid jocks. I didn't want to admit it becuase I just knew that you wouldn't like me back and I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection. I know that life is too short now. All those years that I liked you, I thought that you would never like me back so I tried so hard not to admit my feelings. Apparently, it didn't work. The big question is, now that you know a little about me and I know that you're not a bitch, do you like me?"

I thought about how he was a real jerk, but he knew how to comfort people when it was needed. Because my brain couldn't decide, I listened to my heart.

I leaned up to fill the gap between us.

"Yes. I, Jocelyn Matthews, like you, Carl Grimes."