Rosé one shot

Bound to get burned

Y/N POV
When I finally broke up with him—my toxic ex,who cheated on me and abused me,I felt so relieved,I had never been so free before. Dating him was the darkest part in my life ever. Although I left him but something about me did not sit right anymore.I don't know why I felt sad at the same time.I was supposed to be very happy but instead it was replaced by countless nights with empty alcohol bottles accompanying me to sleep.

All my friends have been telling me to move on again but I seriously don't know what else I can do.Friends with benefit and one night stand seem to be the only way to pull me through this.

Soon later,emptiness filled my heart entirely,I was so numb from all the pain and I would stare at the space blankly during my meetings or when I was doing something else.I could feel nothing apart from insecurity.

Because of my ex,I have stayed single for about three to four years now,he made me feel like I was such a trash and deserved no one's love so getting into another relationship was never a good idea to me.

I was just not ready for another relationship yet and people who had intention to date me initially would immediately changed their minds after witnessing my worst side,my alcoholic side.

I am always honest with them,I told them that I am not the best person they're looking for but that doesn't seem to chase them off in a slightest bit.They have to witness it themselves, to see me in a mess and look at the way I fuck up my life.

"I think it's the best if we don't meet up with each other anymore,"
I can't possibly count how many people have told me this.To me,it's what I deserved,no one will ever love me since I am just a worthless human being.

"You useless bitch,"
That was exactly what he told me when he was beating me up.He would never forget to spit his saliva right on my face after that, marking the end of the beating of the day.

I used to tell myself that it was okay for him to find some side chicks,he would change his mind someday.He needed to find someone else to look for the things that I didn't have and I totally understand.

I once thought that he was the one who I wanted to marry for the rest of my life,I ignored what my friends and my parents said. They told me that I deserved so much better but that was not the case for me,this was not what I had been told by my ex.

I blindly believed his sweet talks and followed everything he said,because I thought only when I received his love,my life would then finally mean something.That's all bullshit,my friends had to interpret into our relationship ultimately,she knew that I couldn't do it by myself and she is so right,I can't.

I would never forget that she forced me to take a flight to New York while she was left alone in Seoul to deal with my crazy ex. I am grateful that she pulled me out of the hell but I am also questioning myself that whether it's a correct decision to make, I mean, look at me now, I am still in a mess with or without him.

"Stop thinking about him,"
Jennie spoke up after I have been obviously distracted from the conversation for quite a while now. Jennie was the one who saved me from the hell by the way. She always knew what is going on inside my mind, so it's not surprised that she found out that I was wandering my mind back to my ex again.

"I never bring you here just for you to drift your mind back to the jerk again,"

"I am sorry,tonight seems to be a little more nostalgic than usual,"
I gulped down my cup of tequila while ignoring her eye contacts.

"Come on,there are a lot of boys and girls out there,move on,"
She encourages me to go and flirt with some people out there at the dance floor but I am not the type of person who like typical clubbing. Look, I love club, but only for the drink and the blasting music part, not the grinding on each other part, I found it a little uncomfortable.