To whom it may concern:
well, I'm not sure that many people truly care.
But, at this certain point in my life, I am on a journey headed towards the rest of my life.
I'm not entirely sure how I should feel excited about that statement being (mostly) true. I can't change that though, so I might as well carry on and face the storm head-on.
It's strange to think that I could be leaving behind all that I've known these past 17 years and 10 months of my life.
Although it's kind of exhilarating and liberating in a way, I also feel like I can't breathe from time to time just because of how anxious and scared I am of all the hypothetical "what if's" I've created in my mind.
It's not like I will be entirely alone, but it also feels like I won't be able to function without having some of the most important people in my life just 2 feet outside my bedroom door.
I have plenty of family out in the small town I'll be living in for the next 4-5 years of my life.
But are they really going to be able to fill that void in my aching heart - temporarily - for that long?
I love them to death and I'm very excited to spend more time with them - it's something I've never had the opportunity to do. It's just that I'm terribly frightened, like I've repeated to myself many times before, and I'm sort of at a loss.
My mother was crying the other day because she's already sad I'll be gone.
It's only February for crying out loud!
Or at least that's what I tell her to try and negate from the fact that her feelings are incredibly valid and that I may or may not feel the same way.
There's also the constant questions I throw at myself - wanting to know if this is really going to be the best choice for me.
Mental Health wise? Absolutely nowhere near being good for me.
Career wise? Success in the future wise? Fuck yes.
It's a lot to think about and attempt to digest alone.
All I know at the moment, is that I can only try my best, and hope it will be enough.
------------------
Song: Dorothea (Taylor Swift)
YOU ARE READING
Random, Works.
RandomThis isn't a story, just random writing/poetry ideas, imagines or thoughts that I may have and am going to add here. If you do read any, hope you enjoy!! Rankings: #1 - Quotes (2020) #1 - Good Songs (2020) #1 - Poetry (2020)
