Random, Works.

28: Two Hearts In One Home (l.s.)

I know what you said about it all was your authentic truth,

but what about mine?

There were some moments - after what happened between us - that I really felt the weight of it all crushing me.

Destroying me from within.

What could I have done better to prevent it all from happening?

Where was my head at?

Why couldn't I stop myself from remembering you?

Why wasn't I still holding you in this very moment?

Why did I let you go?

I guess I cut you off cause I didn't know any better (which I am well aware of is a lame excuse).

There were so many people who wanted to weigh in on the topic - ones we barely knew, those closest to us, outsiders prying in on our relationship. I found that it was starting to pile up and everything was turning what we had into this complicated mess.

The demons were getting to me, and truthfully, I don't know why I listened.

My feelings surrounding the situation - how it ended - are obviously extremely complicated as well.

But, I know that the biggest thing that I experienced after and now, still, is regret.

I never, ever, wanted to hurt you.

I never, ever, wanted to ruin what we had - what I hope may still be there.

That, I know for sure is selfish. 

But what do you expect me to do?

You believe I've moved on, that I've forgotten what our time together meant.

Well, truth is, I don't think I ever could.

No matter how hard I try I always keep on coming back to you.

I'm always trying to call you again, like I did that one day.

3 times in total.

You didn't pick up, that hurt me a bit.

Although, I understood why you wouldn't have just answered the phone and without any hesitation uttered the simple word, "hello?" 

Like we could then carry on a full conversation without anger or awkwardness during the call.

That's stupid of me to think, sometimes I find I make up the weirdest and most unrealistic scenarios in my head.

They can be happy, sad, beautiful, hot -

I don't know...

It's all just too much still and it's already been a few years since I last saw you.

I did what they told me to and played the role that was "required" of me.

You never said it was necessary though, that we could just be happy out in the open together.

You knew that I was scared, and never pushed me, but I contemplate it from time to time and wish that maybe one day you might have.

Who knows what would've happened then. 

What if it caused the world to end?

I laugh as I write that cause you know I'm just being silly.

I see you in the tabloids, all over the telly, living your best life.

Being absolutely incredible, 

being you.

The man I know that I will love forever.

It fills me with joy and sadness; I feel the melancholy that stems from our years together and it all replays in my head constantly.

But, please, just remember that I'll keep you close to me.

Always in my heart,

yours sincerely.

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Song: Too Young (Louis Tomlinson)

A//N: HAHAHAH are these past two chapters, like, imagines?!?! lol

I just read a fic tho that was literally the saddest thing in the world (it was of course about Larry) so then I think that kind of translated into this entry... Also, can you tell I low-key strategically planned the timing of what number of the chapter I'd be posting this?

Anyways, if you haven't figured it out already, the inspiration for this chapter and the one before should be pretty clear now. 💙💚

Let me know what you think!!