I Need You Like A Heartbeat

Chapter sixteen

-Louis-

I lie in the bedroom alone. The boys were outside with Harry. They don't understand how bad I would like to be out there right now, especially since we have to leave in under half an hour. They are probably wondering what's wrong, and me too. It seems as if I'm lost. I'm lost and I can't breathe. I can't call for anyone. I can't talk. Harry knows I came in here to get a tie, but now here I am. Lying on the floor, clutching at my chest, trying to get one fucking breath. I looked up the ceiling light and prayed. I didn't do it very often, but I prayed. I just want to marry him. Let me be okay for a few hours.

The pain became thicker and deeper into my chest. I let out a groan. "Dammit." I whispered. I shook my head trying to find a way to subside the ache. Something glimmered in the corner of the room. My sweat covered hands pulled me to whatever was there. It was a blade.

It must have fallen from the table, or Harry's bag. I licked my lips, trying to decide whether or not this was the absolute best thing I could do for myself or if I was being a complete idiot and it was only going to make matter worse.

Fuck it.

The blade ran down my leg. A cut about as long as pencil began to seep blood. The warm liquid ran down to the floor. The pain in my chest became not so bad. Everything fell to my leg. Pain shot through my whole calf. It was the only thing I could cut. Why would I do it there? Why would I do it at all? My teeth clenched so hard I though they may fall out. I couldn't handle it anymore.

"Harry!" I yelped. Praying that only he would come. The door unlatched opened, and I only heard his footsteps.

"Oh my god, Louis." He ran over to me, "what the fuck did you do?" His eyes widened to the size of an ocean.

"I-I don't know."

His lower lip dropped and he stared at me. He stopped. "Louis, why?" He asked. Getting up and grabbing whatever was close. In this case, a shirt.

"I don't know Harry." I did know.

"Louis, tell me. Do you not want to?"

"Harry, I want to, so bad, but I'm dying, I hurt, I thought- if I could just- if I could- if I could maybe focus the pain somewhere else," I looked closer into his eyes and I saw a little shimmer, then it became more. Tears rolled down his cheeks as I said, "I just wanted an escape."

"Oh Louis." He wrapped the shirt tightly onto my leg. "I'll find bandages."

"I'm sorry-"

-Harry-

I knelt down folding my legs into my chest. The words repeated in my mind. I just wanted an escape. I want to take all of his pain away. I want to make him feel better. I used the sleeve of my tux to wipe away my tears and then I stood up. The medicine cupboard should have a bandage. I threw out the random items that were covering where I thought the coverings and bandages were. Finally, I found them. I grabbed gauze and a wrap and ran back out to him.

"Louis honey, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this baby." I said while winding up the gauze around his leg.

He delayed his response, "please don't tell anyone." He mumbled it so softly I could barely hear.

"I won't."

"Okay."

"Now Lou, don't you think they're going to notice?"

"Not if I don't make I noticeable. I won't limp. It won't hurt, I've learned to try and ignore the pain."

"Baby-"

"Pretend it didn't happen."

"Alright." I took his hands in mine and pulled him up. He was right, he didn't have a limp of anything, everything seemed fine. Everything was not fine though. He made it seem like everything was fine.