I Need You Like A Heartbeat

Chapter nineteen

-Louis-

Harry opened the car door and helped me up.

"You alright?" He asked, taking my hand.

"I'm good," I smiled. It was a little nippy outside, but not too bad. The tea from the cafe warmed me up. I smiled, looking at the pond. The three words that would mean everything to me were first said here.

"How does something feel like just yesterday and years ago at the same time?" Harry asked.

"That's a hard question love."

We walked over to a bench. The air felt crisp as it whispered through the trees that surrounded us. Like conversations being told in the wind. I looked to Harry. His eyes shimmered from the speck of sun that shined perfectly to him.

"You know what I'm going to miss haz?" I laughed.

"What?" He placed our hands on his thigh.

"I'm going to miss feeling the breeze on my face, the sunlight that hits so perfectly on your golden skin, simple things like the warmth of a hug, the feeling of getting into bed after a long day, being held, and oddly enough, I'm going to miss the pain."

"The pain?"

"The pain, that so gradually took the life out of me, but gave a me a new way to look at life," I looked to him again, "you see Harry, when you are in pain from something that is taking everything from you, every little thing becomes huge. When you open your eyes in the morning, relief fills your body, phew you've made it to another day. Now, let's see, will you be here tomorrow? Will you get to tell your husband that you love him one last time? Oh pain, please stay, please keep me here, let me suffer for a little while longer just so that I can see those sparkling green eyes of the one I love," I now took both of his hands in mine. Little tears formed at the corners of his eyes. I wiped them softly, "Oh honey, don't cry, you'll make me cry."

He smiled, and held my hand up to his cheek, "I wish that the pain would go away and you could stay." A tear rolled down his cheek.

"Me too." I brought our hands down to my lap. Reminiscing my life before I found out I was dying. I have been diagnosed for so long, it's hard to remember how I lived before this. I do remember waking up and not worrying about if I'm actually alive. I do remember being able to play football. I do remember feeling like I have so long to accomplish my goals.

I turned to Harry. "Kiss me," I said.

"What?"

"Kiss me Harry."

He brought his face close and rested his forehead on mine, "Louis Tomlinson, would you call me crazy if I said I love you right now?" I smiled, as the memories flowed through my mind.

"Harry Tomlinson, I would call you the love of my life."

He then kissed me. He kissed me with so much passion, it is something that I will never forget. It is something that if I were able to have kids, this would be the story I would tell them. I would tell them how much he means to me, and to find a partner who is going to treat you like he treats me.

I parted his lips with my tongue, and slipped it in. Brown curls fell into my face, tickling my nose as I breathed in his sweet smell and tasted his honey lips. Thunder cracked over the distance, rain began to drizzle through the sky.

"We gotta get you out of here Louis, it's not good for your lungs." I placed my hand over his mouth.

"I'm a dying man, I'd rather die from kissing you."

I pulled myself back into him. My lungs began to ache, the ache didn't bother me. Kiss me, I thought. It's all I could think about. His warm breath filled my lungs taking away the ache. The ache, the pain, every bad feeling was gone. It was just us.

***

I sighed as Harry helped me into bed. "You've had a long day Lou." It makes me so sad that doing one thing is a long day, but it feels like I've ran a marathon. I touched Harry's hand, "Let's talk love."

"Alright," he sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"You know I love you so much honey."

"And I love you," he stared at me, "Louis-"

I shook my head and grabbed onto his hand, "I love you so, so much."

"Louis." He bit his lip, hiding his emotions.

"It's okay, Harry, it's okay, I don't need you to be strong right now."

He broke. He fell to my lap.

"I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here Haz. It hurts me to say that," I stopped myself, I didn't want to tell him, "let's just cuddle, okay?"

He nodded and pressed himself into my back, I could feel him trembling.

"Shh, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm just gonna miss you so much. I don't know how I am supposed to live without you."

"You're going to be alright baby." I was trying not to cry.

"Will I?"

"One day you will be alright, it's going to take time."

He continued to cry. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." He said.

"I love you."

"Don't go yet please," he whispered.

"I wont."

A little bit longer than the last, but we are nearing the end. Next chapter will be  long, and then maybe one more after that.

How are you all doing? I hope you are well.

Love you all!
-C